babermetrics | IC INBOX

[He's prepared! See? Having time is a good thing. He wanders out from the bathroom and swings the door open, stepping aside to let Togami in.]

Yoooooo. You got any idea what kinda thing you wanna see?

[This is normal. This is a totally normal friends hanging out thing and not either of the other more nerve-wracking things it could be. Act natural!]

[ He tilts his head as he looks at Leon, sensing some agitation there, but he steps into the room. That's probably just Leon being Leon, and not indicative of any ulterior motives. (Probably. He can be alert just in case.) ]

Something with any actual artistic merit would be a start.

. . . Maybe I'll just let you pick.

[It sounds like a way better time to let Togami pick and complain about it, than to pick himself and listen to him complain about it. What a good idea.

He closes the door and waves at the couch, heading for the kitchen.]

You want anything?

[ He laughs, faintly amused by the deferral as he sits down on the couch and crosses his legs. ]

Very well then. What sort of coffee do you have?

[He snorts:]

Not Togami coffee?

[But he does have a coffee machine; the kitchen came with one built in. And he does have coffee. So he heads to the cabinet to grab the tin and start a pot. Probably a good idea . . . ]

I dunno why you even ask, you're gonna hate it anyway. If you want me to start keeping the kinda stuff that's up to your standards around my place, you're gonna have to start providing it!

There's still time for me to go fetch something...

[ He's used to lowered standards by now anyway, but there is a certain threshold over which things still become irredeemable garbage. But are Leon's standards that low?

Well if Leon is already starting it, he may as well risk it. Even though he's still feeling especially indulgent... ]

You don't just get the cheapest kind available, do you?

Hell no! It's not like I don't have standards, man. I mean, coffee's pretty nasty anyway, so if you go rock bottom with it, you're just torturing yourself. But on the other hand, if you go all fancy with it, it's still coffee, so it's a waste of money!

[Kuwata's Theory of Coffee.

He is in fact taking out sugar and cream and stuff too for himself, because that's how he drinks it.]

You know how to go through the movies that they've got streaming? I dunno if you've ever used that thing for that before, but it's pretty obvious once you look. Go for it!

[Which means he's giving Togami access to his CereVice, hmm. But there's nothing embarrassing on there that he can think of . . . there's some porn he's streamed, yeah. Like, a lot of it. But the idea of Togami finding it is more funny than anything else; it's not embarrassing porn.]

Have you even tried the expensive end of coffee, or did you just assume that...? [ He's maybe a little sulkily offended.

But okay. Time to look through the Cerevice. It's true that the Recently Watched section is a little... skewed... and Togami wrinkles his nose as he scrolls past it, but luckily he just doesn't care about Leon's dirty business or inane personal messages or anything else he could spy on. He's going to select a respectable, artsy movie!! ]

Well, no, but it's gotta hit a plateau, right? It's just like beer . . . there's stuff that just doesn't taste good no matter what, but you drink it anyway for what it does for you.

[He glances around the partition as Togami is scrolling past the recently watched stuff, and snorts.]

You need some recs, Togami? Ha ha!

For coffee?

[ He doesn't realize that Leon is looking over his shoulder, and that he suddenly changed the topic, so he obliviously continues on talking about coffee and beer as he keeps looking through the CereVice. ]

I certainly don't want any recommendations from someone who doesn't even enjoy the taste of coffee or beer. Your palate is simply unrefined. Don't act like your ignorance is universal...

[He'd ducked back into the kitchen after that, but he pokes his head out again when Togami trails off. He's got to see the reaction to this.]

I meant porn, man. I bet you've got a completely 100% unrefined porn palate yourself.

[ Togami slowly turns towards Leon, giving him a stony look of disapproval for a long moment. But then he glances back at the video selection screen. ]

And you think that... this is in the metaphorical diet of someone with a "refined" palate?

[ He goes back a bit and clicks on the first porn thumbnail in reach. HMMMM. LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF TITLE AND DESCRIPTION THIS HAS? ]

[That one happens to be "Happy guy fucks girlfriend and her sister." It doesn't have a description, what do you think this is, IMDB?

There's a lot going on inside Leon right now. He actually clicked on it?! On one hand that's hilarious; who would ever believe this if he told them? But at the same time, he feels a surge of panic inside of himself as soon as Togami starts playing the video—which one is this again? Does anything weird happen in it? Are there any kinks in there that he maybe didn't want Togami to know he had?! No, this one was pretty normal, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Nothing weird about a threesome with two sisters . . . (they don't look like sisters even remotely, but it's fiction! Who cares?)

His heart still picks up the pace in that moment of uncertainty. But there's one more thing, too: he's been having these weird feelings lately when his anxiety gets going, this bizarre blanket of calm that just settles over him out of nowhere. It's like he can see his guardian angel watching over him from the corner of his eye. Not that Leon believes in that shit, and if he did, he'd probably feel a little weird about watching porn with an angel. But belief has nothing to do with this. Something's going on. Maybe it's some weird CERES thing again, he doesn't know; it wouldn't be the first time he'd spent a couple weeks in a good mood he couldn't explain, only to realize later that something was going on with their code. But it's hard to get up in arms about positive feelings . . .

Even if he really can see something weird in the corner of the room, sometimes.

This time, he can feel the grip of that brief panic around his heart loosening. Of course this was a normal video. There's nothing gross or fetishy or off or gay or anything else about this one, so it's safe for this to be hilarious. Good choice, Togami.

All of that happens in approximately two seconds: he peeks out, sees what Togami's doing, and goes briefly pale, eyes widening, before rallying again and laughing. His voice is still a little thick with fading panic, but even that's already ebbing away when he answers.]

I dunno, what kinda porn do you watch? I guess they're not screwing in a mansion or anything, is that your fetish?

[ Eh. It looks boring and mediocre already, but he can't go very far in tearing it apart with just a title. He presses play on the video. It's porn critique time. ]

What we're discussing is a "refined palate". You're the one who was so eager to make recommendations, so let's set fetishes aside. Please educate me as to what, exactly, "Happy guy fucks girlfriend and her sister" has to recommend itself. [ The quotation marks are obvious in his tone when he recites the title word-for-word. ] It doesn't seem to have a very high production quality. What here appeals to your discerning, cultivated tastes, Kuwata?

[ He finally shoots Leon another glance, briefly, to show off a smirk. ]

[By now Leon's walking out with two cups of coffee, and seriously debating with himself whether to hand Togami his or dump it over his head. He can tell he's being fucked with here! But two things: first of all, he's still feeling that unusual calm.

And second, he's not convinced yet that Togami actually has the upper hand, here. This feels like the kind of situation that could be turned right around on him if he plays his cards right.

So for now, he doesn't scald his friend with hot liquid. He sets the mugs down on the coffee table (Togami's coffee is black, Leon's is all bastardized with cream and sugar) and flops on the couch. First things first: Togami obviously doesn't know shit about porn.]

You're kidding, right? Were you expecting award-winning camera shots or somethin' here? This's way better than amateur stuff! I mean, not better-better, amateur's totally hot . . . but more "refined" or whatever! You just don't know how to have fun!

[With your dick.]

Even if they have higher quality equipment, the shots are still uninspired and the backlighting is strong enough to be garish at times. You seem to be asking me to lower my quality standards, which seems counter to the assertion that I have an unrefined palate...

[ He gestures towards the screen, a little incredulous. ]

And what is the point of putting "Happy" in the title, and then providing absolutely no evidence of his mental state in the video itself? Are they so inept at creating mood that this is the only way they are able to get that information across? In fact, I would say that the general atmosphere of this video is quotidian ennui, on par with the Realist movement. Is the title ironic?

Oh my god, why do I even talk to you?

[He just has to beg the heavens for guidance in that matter before he can move on with the rest of this conversation. His coffee can wait on the table for a bit, because sipping hot coffee is too delicate a gesture to go with this kind of argument. Instead he snorts and leans back against the couch, crossing his arms, one eye still on the porn playing on the screen. (The truth is, it's not a very good video; it's just one he happened to watch recently. You don't always know what you're going to get when you click into a porno.)]

What did you even just say, quoted what? You're only saying it like that to screw with me, I know you! It's 'cuz you know you're totally missing out on a vital life experience here! Look, you know the guy's happy because any guy would be happy to have two girls blowing him at once!

[Which is what's currently happening on the screen, though in an admittedly understated way. It's not that Togami's without a point, here.

Leon's not in the mode of watching this porn to get off on at the moment, so he's actually pretty unaffected by the image himself. Maybe if it had been a better scene . . . ]

They don't gotta show the guy being happy 'cuz the entire point is that a guy watches this video, thinks about getting his dick sucked by two sisters, and gets happy himself! Know what I mean? Have you seriously never used porn at all except to go all film critic on it, man?

[This leads to a brief moment of imagining Togami actually using porn.

. . . Nope. Let's just. Set that one aside for now. Forever?]

[ He laughs a little, taking a sip of the coffee while Leon goes on his counter-rant. The coffee is better than the porno, at least. ]

It's factually incorrect to say that any man would be pleased to receive blowjobs from two women at once. Do you simply project your own sexual preferences onto everyone else? You can't use your own feelings as proof of someone else's feelings.

[He rolls his eyes, sparing the video a quick glance, but it's not like it's gotten more interesting in the past few seconds. (His favorite part is pretty near the end, as pornos generally go.)]

C'mon, you can't use that argument! Obviously some guys are gay and wouldn't get off on it, duh. But a gay guy wouldn't click into a video about a dude and two chicks in the first place, so they don't count for this! That ain't the audience! Any guy who clicks into this video is definitely the kinda guy who gets off on screwing two girls at once! That's like twice as straight.

[There, argument made. An iron-clad one, if he does say so himself. No reason to elaborate or follow it up with anything else. Just wait for Togami to argue that one, ha ha!]

. . . Why, are you gay or something?

[Dammit, Kuwata!]

[ He rolls his eyes. Ugh. He expected an annoying question like that to be the followup there. He hates inconsequential labels... Well, he may as well just say that. ]

Do you need a label so that you can choose which preconceived assumptions you feel the need to beleaguer me with? I'll pass.

What? I was just asking!

[He hadn't expected that to be the response. He had expected to flare up with defensiveness, because he knew it was an awkward question that he was asking for awkward reasons, but he didn't think it'd take on quite this color when it happened. Leon frowns, grabbing for the remote to aggressively pause the video. It's finally starting to get loud enough to be distracting.]

I wasn't doing that, I just—I just asked, damn! Why d'you have to be like that about everything?

[You just hate me, he almost continues, but bites back with a grimace.]

[ This, he didn't expect. He turns to look at Leon, expression faintly confused. ]

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying I didn't ask you that to screw with you! So why'd you act like I was setting you up or something?

[Now he's confused. They're fighting, right? Are they fighting? Is he being made fun of? Is Togami looking down on him? (Is the sky blue?)]

You just—you've just always gotta make it like this.

I didn't think that you did anything intentionally. In fact, I assumed you were completely unaware of the way you act about this, and thus I was attempting to point it out to you.

[ Kind of like how right now Leon is pointing out how Togami acts, which Togami didn't realize might be taken the wrong way, either?

But right now, he's making a genuine attempt to be civil and get his perspective across. Rather than seeming argumentative, he's acting far more docile than usual. ]

. . . So how do I act about it?

[It's admittedly hard to be snippy in response to someone being docile and logical. And at least Togami knows he wasn't trying to get at him. Leon deflates some, moving his hand to pinch idly at the leather of the couch between their legs.]

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