[He'd been just considering finally taking a sip of his coffee, but he hadn't gotten that far yet. This scene just narrowly avoided one hell of a spit take.
Instead he chokes on absolutely nothing and sets the mug back down again with a firm clack. His cheeks are tingling, and he honestly can't tell if it's blood rushing to them or draining out of them; either way, he's suddenly very aware of the movement of blood through his head and chest.
That's called panic. But why the hell is he panicking?! Of course he's not, he wasn't, hasn't been,]
I, huh, what?! I wasn't—
["approaching" anything!
. . . Was he?
And he's definitely not]
I'm not—
[interested in that!
Right?!
But he's not actually stupid, no matter what people think. He isn't. His awkward tension at the beginning of the evening, setting all of this up and waiting for Togami to come over to hang out, had only maybe 25% had anything to do with the Actual, covert reason for their "movie night." He knows better than to think otherwise, even if he doesn't want to admit to it. The secret treasonous communication is one thing, sure. The other little things that keep happening . . . what's he supposed to think about those? What's he supposed to do with them? He's been half-thinking about that question for the past two months or so, when he hasn't been forcefully avoiding it. And he doesn't know any more now than he did.
But maybe that's what "experimenting" is for, huh? When's he ever been a guy who figured anything out by thinking about it? When he hits on that, it feels so fuckin' obvious that he wonders for a second if he actually is stupid after all.
There is one thing he's surprisingly smart about, and that's all of this relationship and sex stuff, even if it's hard to believe sometimes. Those denials are both half out of his mouth; it's really only his flustering and stammering that stops him from just spitting them right out. But it's a good thing. Given a moment to think—he knows better than this. Girls don't flock to the guys who do falter in approaching them. He's not one of them, and that's why he'd always had good luck in the past. You let a girl know what you want, that she's appreciated and you've got her on your mind, and she responds. You don't beat around the bush and act coy or aloof about it, you don't deny the truth that's staring her right in the face; those just piss girls off, or make them question the obvious.
Probably guys work the same way. Leon's not sure yet if he cares how guys work. He'd rather believe he doesn't. But if he's not sure yet after torturing himself over it for a couple months, where does it end? He can weigh the evidence all he wants in both directions. He has been. It sucks.
He needs to prove it to himself either way.
So after two aborted attempts at fervently denying anything Togami just said, he takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and getting his shit together. Where's that mysterious feathery calming influence when he needs it now?]
Uh, I. I mean . . . not all men?
[Okay, that was still a little more beating around the bush than he should have done, but it's something, and his voice is steadier now, at least.
Ah, my mistake. [ His voice is flat and sarcastic. ] I had thought you planned on having sex with literally every man in the colony.
[ This is also a defense mechanism against awkwardness, though. Just, Togami's defense mechanisms tend to be condescension and ridicule, so... I mean... he can't really talk about who's having any success in their approach. And even though he's not really panicking the way Leon is, he's also floundering about how to proceed here.
Maybe if he were 100% guaranteed interested in Leon himself, he could accept taking charge and allowing Leon to follow his lead. But if hypothetically they were to experiment, it would be pretty much as experimental for Togami as it would be for Leon. Like he said before—how much enthusiasm is he supposed to summon for that? He doesn't want Leon to think that he's into him...
Still, on a list of "Men in Cerealia Togami would Sexually Experiment With", Leon would be at the top. It doesn't mean much more than that, but it means what it means. On a list of "Times in Togami's Life in Which it Would Be Convenient to Sexually Experiment", Cerealia when nothing is actively going on is actually also near the very top of the list, even with all the weird surveillance state aspects. That's not a bad combo overall, right? If Leon is willing.
But if Leon is willing, he's still being very awkward about following through. Togami wouldn't want to be completely passively seduced either, but the current situation is still miles away from his comfort zone of sexual expression.
Ugh. Even so, this is way too much thinking and not enough doing, and the thinking is just tumbling in circles anyway. He hates it when things get like that, more than he hates looking like a person who would willingly offer to have sex with another person (gasp). ]
I don't care what you do with other people anyway. What is relevant to me is if you are trying to work up to asking me.
[Well. For a defense mechanism, it works. Leon considers taking offense at it—but he's laughing before he can. It's awkward and embarrassed and it's maybe 50% just releasing tension rather than Togami's stupidass joke actually being funny, but damn, that tension needed to be released, and right now that's more important than the possibility he's being made fun of.
(Possibility? Who is he kidding? Of course he was being made fun of. But sometimes, Togami's barbs miss. When literally the only thing a guy ever does is shoot off barbed comments . . . even Leon doesn't bat a thousand, is what it boils down to.)
And he feels better once he gets that out of his system, though he's still red all the way down his neck, not to mention having trouble looking Togami in the eye. That last not-question even brings a tiny cringe to his smoothed-out expression. Because no, but yes. But no?
It's complicated.]
Shut up, man . . .
. . . I wasn't gonna ask you, if you mean, like—if you think I was gonna invite you over and then go, hey Togami, wanna fool around? That wasn't what I had in mind! Or I guess as you'd say it, hey Togami, you wanna "sexually experiment with men"?
[God, he thought he'd worked up to this, but saying that phrase is still hard. His voice fades out some at the end with mortification, and he has to pause and swallow before he goes on.]
—Yeah, so. But . . . it's not like . . .
It's not like I didn't think it might go that way? I mean. Just, if it happened, maybe it'd happen, sure, and I'd—yeah?
[And then finally, more firmly, with more effort than any other one syllable he's managed to embarrass himself with so far:]
Nothing's going to just "happen" without any prior discussion.
[ SPONTANEITY IS DEAD!!1 ...But it's also pretty accurate, with Togami. He has too much control over himself to just "go with the flow"... even though he is particularly indulgent lately.
And yet, despite what he says, he can't think of what else he wants to say to advance the discussion himself. "Yeah"... ]
[So it seems it is. Leon snorts under his breath, managing a real smile, finally. At least some of the tension has gone out of this. For one thing . . . none of what Togami's been getting at here has actually been a rejection. It hasn't been acceptance, either, but doesn't it feel like it might be leaning that way—?
Either way, the fact that the topic's even been opened up, instead of being danced around, makes it easier to handle. They're finally talking about it! Talking isn't so hard!]
Seriously . . . ? You never just wanted to go for it before? Do you start every makeout session with, like, "I would like to inform you that we are going to make out now"?
I have never initiated a so-called "makeout session".
[ And he's not really thrilled about the idea of starting now. They can both keep talking around it until their intentions are clear on both sides, and then one of them will cave, and it will probably be Leon. ]
[ Ugh! He can't... actually argue that. Saying that didn't count would imply that there are circumstances in which it would "count", which is not a road he wants to walk down.
But: ] And you were there for that, so shouldn't you already know the answer to that question?
[Which had been for the best. He would have freaked out even more if he'd known it was coming . . .
And they wouldn't be in this situation now, would they? He's almost positive things wouldn't have come to this weird point if they hadn't been semi-forced into that incident before, and enjoyed it. Because they had. Leon definitely had, and as subtle and understated (to put it politely; "repressed" might be more like it) as Togami is, he had, too.
And now here he is, still pretty much acting like he's above all that.
Wouldn't it be kind of hot to prove to him he isn't?
That thought intrudes on the others, and Leon's not sure yet how to cope with it, but—he can't deny it, either. He shifts a little closer still, arm coming up to drape along the back of the couch, cheeks pinking just a bit deeper. Ahem.]
. . . So then how exactly do you expect that stuff to happen?
...Well, the circumstances were different then. [ He finds himself forced to admit at least some kind of difference. ] That was for my own short-term benefit. This would be more of a mutual arrangement. [ He's at least referring to "this", while Leon is still speaking in more distant hypotheticals. ] I wouldn't get anything out of it unless you also explicitly consented and had a similar goal, so I don't see how any action could be taken without prior agreement. Don't you think so?
[ He finally looks back to make eye contact with Leon for the first time in a while. ]
But you refuse to commit to an answer about the specific situation that we are currently in. So how do you expect anything to happen?
[He's not expecting the eye contact, and flushes a little when it's made—but this time he doesn't look away.
It might just be that in the end, what finally pushes him over is shutting Togami up. Not that he's offended or anything. If he were forced to admit it . . . he can't really argue. Those are some very good points about consent and communication, and Leon may be—himself, but he's not about to write off the value of those things.
And he's saying yes. To this . . . "mutual arrangement."
But does he have to be so Togami about it?
Leon likes Togami. Despite bullshit like this, he likes him, or he wouldn't be doing this at all. But there's something about Togami being extra Togami that makes Leon want to be extra Leon, and that's why his response to that question is to lean in, lift one hand to cup around the back of Togami's neck, and press their lips together.
He's not going for it yet or anything; he breaks the kiss after a few seconds, though he doesn't really pull back so much as just smile and withdraw by, like, a centimeter.
That's certainly something happening, although it's more of an upheaval for how gentle it is. Something about tender intimacy makes his skin crawl with an alien sensation. Does sex have to have the kissing part? It hadn't been that bad before, though. And it wasn't "bad" just now either, on a purely physical level. Maybe he needs to set the pace more clearly.
After a brief frown, he leans in to close the gap between them again, kissing Leon more firmly. ]
[The kissing part is—gayer than the actual sex, right? Isn't that how it works? It's not like Leon hasn't done a bit of internet exploration on the topic before . . . especially in the last couple months, to be honest. But he'd just gone ahead and done it, just now. Does that make him—?!
God. Shit. He can't get all caught up thinking about that right now. Even he knows how fucking stupid that is. Whatever this mutual arrangement is, it's probably going to involve two dudes having orgasms in each other's general direction, and the whole point is to find out if that's even a thing he's into!
He'd already known he was into the making out. They figured that out at prom, huh?
Leon catches the frown on Togami's face before he leans in again, and is about to question that—he doesn't have enough time to decide if he's amused or offended—but then, hey, it's happening again, and he's taken aback enough for a brief moment to moan his surprise against Togami's lips.
Really . . . it sounds pretty good. It feels good, too, moaning against someone's mouth. This is a thing his body knows how to do, so why not just do it? He returns the kiss without question, after only a brief pause, moving even closer on the couch and letting his fingers wind up into the ends of Togami's hair now that they're finally . . . it. This. Finally that.]
[ This is still—weird. Despite all the leadup and theoretical talks and prior enjoyment of this exact same activity, part of him just wants to slam a hand down on the ABORT button here and erase this moment from existence. But what would his reason be for that? That he's kind of embarrassed and out of his depth and vulnerable and he doesn't entirely know what he's gotten himself into?
If he has a comfort zone without any practical purpose, that he finds himself stuck in when it's inconvenient, it's his duty as a leader of the free world to smash it to bits. Isn't it?
This may be a weird time to think about duties as a leader of the free world, but it at least calms him down enough to shift closer, turning his body towards Leon's, hand hovering in midair before finally settling on Leon's shoulder. And then, when he's already calm, it's easier for his focus to drift towards things like the warmth of another human being, and the feeling of a soft touch in his hair. ]
[It's not like it's great or electric to start with. It's kind of funny—there've been times, fairly recently too, where Leon found himself actively wanting to do this with Togami . . . and this wasn't one of them, and here they are picking now to do it. He's used to starting off with his finger already on the trigger, so to speak, with girls. They're the ones who need warming up, not Leon. But this time it's both of them revving up from what was essentially a standstill—parked in the driveway, maybe.
But despite the slow start, and despite any potential complaints from the Heterosexual Police in his head—it is happening. The warming up. It feels good; when Togami turns in towards him, he closes the rest of the distance until he's close enough to be in the crook of his arm, lightly pressed against his chest, and finally goes to deepen the kiss. His teeth drag against Togami's lower lip and tug, not asking permission so much as demanding it.
(There's still porn playing in the background. The playlist just moved onto another recently watched video. Leon's starting to remember that's there, but turning it off means pulling away . . . and they're just getting started, c'mon.)]
[ Even if he's been tuning out the television this whole time, it's filtering back into Togami's consciousness, too. It's a little more welcome now than it was before. Sure, the videos are still stupid and trite. It seems inconceivable that anyone could get off on something like this all by itself. But if it's encouraging noise and heated dialogue, in the background of him actually getting physically intimate with someone... it's mmmmmaybe a little helpful.
Leon's sudden insistence in the kiss is surprisingly welcome, too. He parts his lips with a soft gasp, quickly flipping through his memories of last time in the back of his head. ]
[He might remember, then, what happened last time he did that while they were kissing. Leon's reaction this time is a little less sudden and powerful, but he still reacts. There's just something about making someone gasp with pleasure that—
That, it doesn't matter if it's coming from a guy. It still does something to Leon. He can feel the back of his neck crawl, which doesn't sound nearly as sexy as it feels, but it's definitely a good feeling. He echoes the sound just barely, taking in a heated breath before pressing their lips together again so he can taste Togami's mouth.
How much closer can he get without crawling right into his lap? Should he? Should he just go for it? Is that where this is going anyway? Maybe not yet . . .
The porn playing in the background is definitely a much more energetic and noisy one than that last one was, too. Hearing it just makes Leon even more determined to chase whatever sounds he can pull out of Togami, and eager to hear them, curious about what he's like when he's—
[ At this point, this is happening either way, so you may as well be into it. Togami might feel similarly, but he hasn't really made a conscious decision, or even raised the question in his mind yet.
His memories of the prom incident are more fuzzy, but he can recognize these feelings now from back then, too—and even though they're firmly grounded on a couch instead of suspended in the air this time, he still feels a little like there's nothing but air under his feet. Recognizing that Leon wants this from him, and choosing to offer it up for free, is a little like taking a trust fall. Even when it's a safer risk, the risk is still there, and it makes all of his senses heightened, soaking up each touch and sound at full intensity.
He leans back slightly as they kiss, bringing Leon with him rather than breaking the contact. He's yielding voluntarily before Leon even makes a move to get on top of him, but he's not consciously thinking about that either. ]
[It's a big couch. Not "luckily," either; Leon definitely chose a big couch for this exact purpose when he furnished his room. Of course, back then he definitely didn't foresee quite these circumstances surrounding its use—but it doesn't matter. This is what's happening now, and Leon absolutely knows how to take a cue when it comes to getting his making out a little more horizontal. So he does: he moves in even closer, taking advantage of Togami reclining to get half on him, put some weight against his body without breaking the kiss yet.
At this point it's still not that different. It's kissing. He hasn't made any grabs for a bra hook yet only to find they're not there. He definitely hasn't shoved his hand between anyone's legs. Right now, it's a body against his, warm and solid and smooth and not quite as soft as usual and also taller than he is—some of that's new, yeah, but not enough to throw off his groove. Definitely not enough to stop it from feeling good. He's too distracted to even wonder right now at what point it will be too much, too different, if it happens . . .
Right now it's still warm skin and soft hair and a little bit coffee-tasting.
Also, Togami's glasses bumping his nose, from time to time, and finally Leon breaks the kiss, once he's settled on and against him, to reach up between them and pluck his glasses carefully off his face. It gives him a moment to breathe (hard, and loud, and very close to Togami's lips).]
[ Togami blinks, and then narrows his eyes instinctively, but Leon is so extremely close to him that his glasses wouldn't make much difference anyway. And with Leon shifting on top of him—he wasn't consciously realizing how that was happening, but he can't really argue with it now that it is. So he lets both of those things happen without much more than a short huff, breath warm on Leon's lips.
It occurs to him now that they technically didn't actually talk about what they were doing here, in specific. Maybe they should move to the bedroom? But it also occurs to him that this couch is pretty spacious. More spacious than he had consciously paid attention to before.
He settles his free hand, the one that isn't on Leon's shoulder, to grab onto Leon's thigh and keep himself at least partially upright. He's still not committing to going completely horizontal just yet, watching Leon for his next move. ]
[He's having the same thought about the bedroom at the same time. The couch is big enough, but it's not as comfortably so as a bed would be, and it's harder to work around things like undressing with the back of it in the way.
(Oh my god. Undressing. Is that really going to happen? It is, right? This entire thing consists of a sequence of events that still feels endless and completely crazy in his head if he thinks about them. He's committed to the end state of this evening: in a little while, he will become a person who once slept with a guy. He's—"okay" with that is a too-casual way of putting it. But it's happening. He's contributing. He's decided.
But between here and there are a thousand other points to get through, and every one of them still feels alien to him.)
In the brief pause where he's catching his breath and setting Togami's glasses aside, and looking at what his face looks like without them (beautiful, for the record, more than a dude really should be), the porn noises feel very, very obvious. It's that that finally jerks Leon out of his little haze. He glances at the TV, then back at Togami's face, lips still close; he has to swallow hard before he can manage words.]
[ He smirks at the very simple amusement of having had the same thought at the same time. (Then he feels kind of weird for being on the same wavelength as someone who is so frequently not at all on the same wavelength. But even a stopped clock is right twice a day?)
He nods. ] That seems... most convenient.
[ With that much decided, he pulls away to sit up straight, smoothing out his slightly rumpled clothes. There is absolutely no reason for him to do this when they're just going to continue things again once they're in the bedroom, but it's automatic. ]
[He grabs his CereVice to shut the porn up once and for all. No more help from that corner, but he's pretty sure they're not going to need it . . .
That's still weird and nervous and complicated to think about, but whatever. Stop thinking about it! That might be the only solution here. Any sex is gonna get weird if you overthink it. Togami probably has sex like a chess match or something, which is a thought that makes Leon snort a little as he gets to his feet, along with watching Togami smooth himself down and all.
Tension successfully broken. Not in a bad way. Something loosens in Leon's chest, but the warm feeling doesn't fade. He even allows himself a moment to think that it's kind of attractive when Togami's all fussy about himself like that.
(Might as well let yourself be attracted to someone a little if you're going to screw them.)
He grabs Togami's glasses and hands them back, then heads for the bedroom door.]
[ He takes the glasses, but doesn't put them back on. He's just going to set them on the nightstand as soon as he enters the bedroom anyway. But he walks there slowly and steadily, not only because of his blurred vision, but also to maintain his composure for this much longer. This isn't that bad, now, is it? They'd gotten a little heated there, but he reverted easily back to normal. It's reassuring that agreeing to get caught up in something like this doesn't mean anything else has changed at all. And having this pause to reflect on what's happening, he doesn't find himself regretting any impulsive decisions. Good job. This was clearly handled well.
After he does make it to the nightstand to set the glasses down, he carefully sits down on the bed, as if there's any point trying to keep himself or the bed unruffled. At least it will be a deliberate choice when it's in disarray! ]
[Leon follows after him; he considers closing the door behind them, but that's pointless and feels claustrophobic with two people in the room. He doesn't even close it half the time when he's asleep in there. The door in his room that leads into the bathroom is open, too; what point is there when you live alone? And right now . . .
His bedroom is in a lived-in state, but not total disarray or anything. He'd have picked it up more if he'd known he was going to have company, but he usually keeps it a baseline level of picked up anyway just in case he has company unexpectedly. Which is exactly what's happening right now.
(Half-unexpectedly. He has to admit to himself, as he had to Togami earlier, that this turn of events wasn't entirely out of left field for him.)
He's bringing up the rear (shut the fuck up) so Togami makes it onto the bed before he does, and Leon moves in front of him, considering what to do. What's least awkward here? Togami's so—fussy, right. He's just sitting there primly on the bed. He's all smoothed down and delicately perched on the edge, and so, Leon makes the deliberate choice to put things into disarray.
He walks over the puts his hands on Togami's shoulders and pushes him flat onto his back on the bed, grinning.]
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Instead he chokes on absolutely nothing and sets the mug back down again with a firm clack. His cheeks are tingling, and he honestly can't tell if it's blood rushing to them or draining out of them; either way, he's suddenly very aware of the movement of blood through his head and chest.
That's called panic. But why the hell is he panicking?! Of course he's not, he wasn't, hasn't been,]
I, huh, what?! I wasn't—
["approaching" anything!
. . . Was he?
And he's definitely not]
I'm not—
[interested in that!
Right?!
But he's not actually stupid, no matter what people think. He isn't. His awkward tension at the beginning of the evening, setting all of this up and waiting for Togami to come over to hang out, had only maybe 25% had anything to do with the Actual, covert reason for their "movie night." He knows better than to think otherwise, even if he doesn't want to admit to it. The secret treasonous communication is one thing, sure. The other little things that keep happening . . . what's he supposed to think about those? What's he supposed to do with them? He's been half-thinking about that question for the past two months or so, when he hasn't been forcefully avoiding it. And he doesn't know any more now than he did.
But maybe that's what "experimenting" is for, huh? When's he ever been a guy who figured anything out by thinking about it? When he hits on that, it feels so fuckin' obvious that he wonders for a second if he actually is stupid after all.
There is one thing he's surprisingly smart about, and that's all of this relationship and sex stuff, even if it's hard to believe sometimes. Those denials are both half out of his mouth; it's really only his flustering and stammering that stops him from just spitting them right out. But it's a good thing. Given a moment to think—he knows better than this. Girls don't flock to the guys who do falter in approaching them. He's not one of them, and that's why he'd always had good luck in the past. You let a girl know what you want, that she's appreciated and you've got her on your mind, and she responds. You don't beat around the bush and act coy or aloof about it, you don't deny the truth that's staring her right in the face; those just piss girls off, or make them question the obvious.
Probably guys work the same way. Leon's not sure yet if he cares how guys work. He'd rather believe he doesn't. But if he's not sure yet after torturing himself over it for a couple months, where does it end? He can weigh the evidence all he wants in both directions. He has been. It sucks.
He needs to prove it to himself either way.
So after two aborted attempts at fervently denying anything Togami just said, he takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and getting his shit together. Where's that mysterious feathery calming influence when he needs it now?]
Uh, I. I mean . . . not all men?
[Okay, that was still a little more beating around the bush than he should have done, but it's something, and his voice is steadier now, at least.
He's trying.]
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[ This is also a defense mechanism against awkwardness, though. Just, Togami's defense mechanisms tend to be condescension and ridicule, so... I mean... he can't really talk about who's having any success in their approach. And even though he's not really panicking the way Leon is, he's also floundering about how to proceed here.
Maybe if he were 100% guaranteed interested in Leon himself, he could accept taking charge and allowing Leon to follow his lead. But if hypothetically they were to experiment, it would be pretty much as experimental for Togami as it would be for Leon. Like he said before—how much enthusiasm is he supposed to summon for that? He doesn't want Leon to think that he's into him...
Still, on a list of "Men in Cerealia Togami would Sexually Experiment With", Leon would be at the top. It doesn't mean much more than that, but it means what it means. On a list of "Times in Togami's Life in Which it Would Be Convenient to Sexually Experiment", Cerealia when nothing is actively going on is actually also near the very top of the list, even with all the weird surveillance state aspects. That's not a bad combo overall, right? If Leon is willing.
But if Leon is willing, he's still being very awkward about following through. Togami wouldn't want to be completely passively seduced either, but the current situation is still miles away from his comfort zone of sexual expression.
Ugh. Even so, this is way too much thinking and not enough doing, and the thinking is just tumbling in circles anyway. He hates it when things get like that, more than he hates looking like a person who would willingly offer to have sex with another person (gasp). ]
I don't care what you do with other people anyway. What is relevant to me is if you are trying to work up to asking me.
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(Possibility? Who is he kidding? Of course he was being made fun of. But sometimes, Togami's barbs miss. When literally the only thing a guy ever does is shoot off barbed comments . . . even Leon doesn't bat a thousand, is what it boils down to.)
And he feels better once he gets that out of his system, though he's still red all the way down his neck, not to mention having trouble looking Togami in the eye. That last not-question even brings a tiny cringe to his smoothed-out expression. Because no, but yes. But no?
It's complicated.]
Shut up, man . . .
. . . I wasn't gonna ask you, if you mean, like—if you think I was gonna invite you over and then go, hey Togami, wanna fool around? That wasn't what I had in mind! Or I guess as you'd say it, hey Togami, you wanna "sexually experiment with men"?
[God, he thought he'd worked up to this, but saying that phrase is still hard. His voice fades out some at the end with mortification, and he has to pause and swallow before he goes on.]
—Yeah, so. But . . . it's not like . . .
It's not like I didn't think it might go that way? I mean. Just, if it happened, maybe it'd happen, sure, and I'd—yeah?
[And then finally, more firmly, with more effort than any other one syllable he's managed to embarrass himself with so far:]
Yeah.
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[ SPONTANEITY IS DEAD!!1 ...But it's also pretty accurate, with Togami. He has too much control over himself to just "go with the flow"... even though he is particularly indulgent lately.
And yet, despite what he says, he can't think of what else he wants to say to advance the discussion himself. "Yeah"... ]
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Either way, the fact that the topic's even been opened up, instead of being danced around, makes it easier to handle. They're finally talking about it! Talking isn't so hard!]
Seriously . . . ? You never just wanted to go for it before? Do you start every makeout session with, like, "I would like to inform you that we are going to make out now"?
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[ And he's not really thrilled about the idea of starting now. They can both keep talking around it until their intentions are clear on both sides, and then one of them will cave, and it will probably be Leon. ]
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He's not doing so quite yet, though. But he does shift a little closer on the couch, shoving lightly at Togami's arm, grin wide and obnoxious.]
Yeah you have. You did that time at the prom.
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But: ] And you were there for that, so shouldn't you already know the answer to that question?
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[Which had been for the best. He would have freaked out even more if he'd known it was coming . . .
And they wouldn't be in this situation now, would they? He's almost positive things wouldn't have come to this weird point if they hadn't been semi-forced into that incident before, and enjoyed it. Because they had. Leon definitely had, and as subtle and understated (to put it politely; "repressed" might be more like it) as Togami is, he had, too.
And now here he is, still pretty much acting like he's above all that.
Wouldn't it be kind of hot to prove to him he isn't?
That thought intrudes on the others, and Leon's not sure yet how to cope with it, but—he can't deny it, either. He shifts a little closer still, arm coming up to drape along the back of the couch, cheeks pinking just a bit deeper. Ahem.]
. . . So then how exactly do you expect that stuff to happen?
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[ He finally looks back to make eye contact with Leon for the first time in a while. ]
But you refuse to commit to an answer about the specific situation that we are currently in. So how do you expect anything to happen?
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It might just be that in the end, what finally pushes him over is shutting Togami up. Not that he's offended or anything. If he were forced to admit it . . . he can't really argue. Those are some very good points about consent and communication, and Leon may be—himself, but he's not about to write off the value of those things.
And he's saying yes. To this . . . "mutual arrangement."
But does he have to be so Togami about it?
Leon likes Togami. Despite bullshit like this, he likes him, or he wouldn't be doing this at all. But there's something about Togami being extra Togami that makes Leon want to be extra Leon, and that's why his response to that question is to lean in, lift one hand to cup around the back of Togami's neck, and press their lips together.
He's not going for it yet or anything; he breaks the kiss after a few seconds, though he doesn't really pull back so much as just smile and withdraw by, like, a centimeter.
How's that for something happening?!]
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That's certainly something happening, although it's more of an upheaval for how gentle it is. Something about tender intimacy makes his skin crawl with an alien sensation. Does sex have to have the kissing part? It hadn't been that bad before, though. And it wasn't "bad" just now either, on a purely physical level. Maybe he needs to set the pace more clearly.
After a brief frown, he leans in to close the gap between them again, kissing Leon more firmly. ]
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God. Shit. He can't get all caught up thinking about that right now. Even he knows how fucking stupid that is. Whatever this mutual arrangement is, it's probably going to involve two dudes having orgasms in each other's general direction, and the whole point is to find out if that's even a thing he's into!
He'd already known he was into the making out. They figured that out at prom, huh?
Leon catches the frown on Togami's face before he leans in again, and is about to question that—he doesn't have enough time to decide if he's amused or offended—but then, hey, it's happening again, and he's taken aback enough for a brief moment to moan his surprise against Togami's lips.
Really . . . it sounds pretty good. It feels good, too, moaning against someone's mouth. This is a thing his body knows how to do, so why not just do it? He returns the kiss without question, after only a brief pause, moving even closer on the couch and letting his fingers wind up into the ends of Togami's hair now that they're finally . . . it. This. Finally that.]
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If he has a comfort zone without any practical purpose, that he finds himself stuck in when it's inconvenient, it's his duty as a leader of the free world to smash it to bits. Isn't it?
This may be a weird time to think about duties as a leader of the free world, but it at least calms him down enough to shift closer, turning his body towards Leon's, hand hovering in midair before finally settling on Leon's shoulder. And then, when he's already calm, it's easier for his focus to drift towards things like the warmth of another human being, and the feeling of a soft touch in his hair. ]
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But despite the slow start, and despite any potential complaints from the Heterosexual Police in his head—it is happening. The warming up. It feels good; when Togami turns in towards him, he closes the rest of the distance until he's close enough to be in the crook of his arm, lightly pressed against his chest, and finally goes to deepen the kiss. His teeth drag against Togami's lower lip and tug, not asking permission so much as demanding it.
(There's still porn playing in the background. The playlist just moved onto another recently watched video. Leon's starting to remember that's there, but turning it off means pulling away . . . and they're just getting started, c'mon.)]
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Leon's sudden insistence in the kiss is surprisingly welcome, too. He parts his lips with a soft gasp, quickly flipping through his memories of last time in the back of his head. ]
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That, it doesn't matter if it's coming from a guy. It still does something to Leon. He can feel the back of his neck crawl, which doesn't sound nearly as sexy as it feels, but it's definitely a good feeling. He echoes the sound just barely, taking in a heated breath before pressing their lips together again so he can taste Togami's mouth.
How much closer can he get without crawling right into his lap? Should he? Should he just go for it? Is that where this is going anyway? Maybe not yet . . .
The porn playing in the background is definitely a much more energetic and noisy one than that last one was, too. Hearing it just makes Leon even more determined to chase whatever sounds he can pull out of Togami, and eager to hear them, curious about what he's like when he's—
Ah, shit. He's definitely into this, isn't he.]
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His memories of the prom incident are more fuzzy, but he can recognize these feelings now from back then, too—and even though they're firmly grounded on a couch instead of suspended in the air this time, he still feels a little like there's nothing but air under his feet. Recognizing that Leon wants this from him, and choosing to offer it up for free, is a little like taking a trust fall. Even when it's a safer risk, the risk is still there, and it makes all of his senses heightened, soaking up each touch and sound at full intensity.
He leans back slightly as they kiss, bringing Leon with him rather than breaking the contact. He's yielding voluntarily before Leon even makes a move to get on top of him, but he's not consciously thinking about that either. ]
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At this point it's still not that different. It's kissing. He hasn't made any grabs for a bra hook yet only to find they're not there. He definitely hasn't shoved his hand between anyone's legs. Right now, it's a body against his, warm and solid and smooth and not quite as soft as usual and also taller than he is—some of that's new, yeah, but not enough to throw off his groove. Definitely not enough to stop it from feeling good. He's too distracted to even wonder right now at what point it will be too much, too different, if it happens . . .
Right now it's still warm skin and soft hair and a little bit coffee-tasting.
Also, Togami's glasses bumping his nose, from time to time, and finally Leon breaks the kiss, once he's settled on and against him, to reach up between them and pluck his glasses carefully off his face. It gives him a moment to breathe (hard, and loud, and very close to Togami's lips).]
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It occurs to him now that they technically didn't actually talk about what they were doing here, in specific. Maybe they should move to the bedroom? But it also occurs to him that this couch is pretty spacious. More spacious than he had consciously paid attention to before.
He settles his free hand, the one that isn't on Leon's shoulder, to grab onto Leon's thigh and keep himself at least partially upright. He's still not committing to going completely horizontal just yet, watching Leon for his next move. ]
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(Oh my god. Undressing. Is that really going to happen? It is, right? This entire thing consists of a sequence of events that still feels endless and completely crazy in his head if he thinks about them. He's committed to the end state of this evening: in a little while, he will become a person who once slept with a guy. He's—"okay" with that is a too-casual way of putting it. But it's happening. He's contributing. He's decided.
But between here and there are a thousand other points to get through, and every one of them still feels alien to him.)
In the brief pause where he's catching his breath and setting Togami's glasses aside, and looking at what his face looks like without them (beautiful, for the record, more than a dude really should be), the porn noises feel very, very obvious. It's that that finally jerks Leon out of his little haze. He glances at the TV, then back at Togami's face, lips still close; he has to swallow hard before he can manage words.]
—Bedroom?
[A word.]
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He nods. ] That seems... most convenient.
[ With that much decided, he pulls away to sit up straight, smoothing out his slightly rumpled clothes. There is absolutely no reason for him to do this when they're just going to continue things again once they're in the bedroom, but it's automatic. ]
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That's still weird and nervous and complicated to think about, but whatever. Stop thinking about it! That might be the only solution here. Any sex is gonna get weird if you overthink it. Togami probably has sex like a chess match or something, which is a thought that makes Leon snort a little as he gets to his feet, along with watching Togami smooth himself down and all.
Tension successfully broken. Not in a bad way. Something loosens in Leon's chest, but the warm feeling doesn't fade. He even allows himself a moment to think that it's kind of attractive when Togami's all fussy about himself like that.
(Might as well let yourself be attracted to someone a little if you're going to screw them.)
He grabs Togami's glasses and hands them back, then heads for the bedroom door.]
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After he does make it to the nightstand to set the glasses down, he carefully sits down on the bed, as if there's any point trying to keep himself or the bed unruffled. At least it will be a deliberate choice when it's in disarray! ]
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His bedroom is in a lived-in state, but not total disarray or anything. He'd have picked it up more if he'd known he was going to have company, but he usually keeps it a baseline level of picked up anyway just in case he has company unexpectedly. Which is exactly what's happening right now.
(Half-unexpectedly. He has to admit to himself, as he had to Togami earlier, that this turn of events wasn't entirely out of left field for him.)
He's bringing up the rear (shut the fuck up) so Togami makes it onto the bed before he does, and Leon moves in front of him, considering what to do. What's least awkward here? Togami's so—fussy, right. He's just sitting there primly on the bed. He's all smoothed down and delicately perched on the edge, and so, Leon makes the deliberate choice to put things into disarray.
He walks over the puts his hands on Togami's shoulders and pushes him flat onto his back on the bed, grinning.]
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