It had been an impulse, but it wasn't like it wasn't on purpose, either—though he hadn't been sure what to expect. What he gets is pretty compelling. When he just does things like that, they feel so easy. Togami's reaction isn't so different from a girl's; more to the point, it's not at all different in how it makes Leon feel to see it. He moves to crawl over Togami on the bed, watching his face—focused on the way his lips open, and the quiet sound of his breath speeding up—and the distant, warm ache Leon feels at those things isn't really that different after all.
It's fun. It's fun to make him react, take him off guard when he's always so guarded, and it's rewarding that he doesn't compose himself after that moment of shock. It's so rewarding that Leon doesn't really want to give him time to do so. He climbs up onto the bed and over Togami on his hands and knees and then leans in again without hesitation, curling his fingers sharply in Togami's hair to tilt his face up for another, slightly more breathless kiss.]
[ Now, his attention jumps to the pull on his hair instead, before it jumps again to the meeting of their lips. It's true that stepping up and acting would be better than spending all his time reacting... but even that would be better than overthinking everything. In the heat of the moment, things should be moving a little more quickly.
Solidifying this decision for himself, he kisses back thoroughly, without reservations. ]
[The overthinking everything is in fact getting kind of old. More to the point, though, it's getting harder and harder to do—which probably means this is going . . . well. Yeah. Definitely going just fine. Leon settles against Togami heavily on the bed, legs tangling with his legs, nipping at his lips to chase that sound. That's it, that's what gets him: not only does making out feel good, and he's missed it so fucking much, but even this prissy ice king over here is getting into it . . .
It's hot. Even if it's a guy's voice moaning against his lips, it's still hot.
And it's good being pressed up against someone's body, too, good enough that Leon half-thinks (that's where his mental capacity is at this point, around half-thinking range) that it'd be even better if they had less clothes on. That idea doesn't jive well with just having pressed his whole body hard up against Togami's, but hey, nobody's perfect. He'll just have to make do. He can at least start without having to pull away again.
He goes for the tie first, fingers creeping up to begin tugging it loose.]
[ Although this is getting warm in a way he's not really familiar with, he's not too hot for his clothes yet. But you know, ideally the clothes will come off before they become completely unpresentable, or else what is he going to wear back to his own apartment whenever he actually leaves? So if they're already committing, this seems like a good idea.
(They still have to address the reason he came here in the first place... But doing it afterwards seems like a good idea. Anyone who was trying to spy on important conversations would take one look at this scene and immediately call it quits. ...He assumes.)
Right—clothes off. Leon can figure out how to get a tie off on his own. Togami goes for what's most immediately accessible to him, which happens to be Leon's waistband. He's not really cognizant of how many steps this is probably skipping—foreplay is not in his skillset—but there is a vague uncertainty about the way he's slow to try and tug it down. ]
[Here's hoping CERES isn't employing any voyeurs, at least not of that particular sort.
It takes Leon off guard when Togami goes right for his pants. What a—weird choice. All at once he's overthinking again: why that first thing? Is he in a rush? But he's not acting rushed about it . . . so why start there? Maybe just to keep his arms out of the way of Leon's arms, which are working Togami's tie loose and off, and then he's left staring down at this elite motherfucker wearing a suit on his bed.
(He looks great like this. There's just something about a guy—a person—all dressed up but slowly getting wrecked, hair in disarray, face flushed . . . )
Forget it. He shoves away all of his overthinking again; it's just making things awkward, while the greater part of him wants to make things fun. He is having fun. He is, so his choices are to either
1. stop having fun and preserve his self-image but not get to have any fun and probably obsess for the next three months again over the fact that he still wants to have some Togami fun
2. overthink every fucking thing and take the fun out of it, but still do it anyway, completely stripping this experience of anything positive it might offer
3. just have the damn fun.
He can only do so much from moment to moment to control which of those things he's picking, but dammit, he really needs to lean as hard as he can towards 3.
And he is.
Leon sits up a little to fuss with Togami's jacket. He's wearing a belt himself, and shorts, so it'll take a little more than tugging to get them down, but it's not exactly a chastity belt even for the impassioned and/or inexperienced.]
Heh . . . if you're in a rush, you should've thought of that before you put on like sixty layers.
[He grins, pausing to sweep his hair back from his own face and catch his breath. But he doesn't make any move to stop Togami from getting his belt unbuckled.]
I am not in a rush. [ He's embarrassed by the belt obstructing him, making his action kind of unnecessary and conspicuous. When Leon sits up, he slides his hands forward to undo Leon's belt buckle as immediately as if he had realized that from the beginning, sliding his arms out of his jacket only as an afterthought from Leon's prompting. ] There is only so much I can do when you've pressed up that tightly against me.
[ Which is true. It had seemed like the easiest thing to take off while Leon was where he was before, even though that was an incorrect assumption, because he couldn't see those clothes and how was he supposed to remember what Leon was wearing?? Like he was paying that close attention.
But, he reminds himself, the actual most efficient option would have been to push Leon back a bit to give them some room, instead of fumbling blindly and making assumptions. So, it is at this juncture that Togami must swallow the knowledge that—logically—he was considering the sensation of Leon's body pressing up against his own as too high priority to sacrifice.
He also has to consciously dissuade himself from overthinking this, although he has a little less success at it than Leon, pursing his lips as he silently slides the belt out of its loops.
The comment about his layers, though, he just completely shrugs off without comment. Of course he wore a suit. Even if he had realized what they were going to be doing here, he would probably make the same choice. No sassy comments are going to make him feel insecure about that part! ]
Like I can get a whole suit off you when I've got you on the bed . . . guess I started that, though.
[But hey, he did get the jacket off, and he tosses it off to the side over his desk chair to get it out of the way. Normally that would go right on the floor, but he can sense he's going to get complained at if he does that . . . well, that might be funny. He can reserve that for Togami's pants, when he gets there.
(There's another moment of being at point A—okay, by now they're at point G at least, but still in the first half of the alphabet—and looking into the future at point R or whatever and wondering how the hell that's going to happen, while at the same time knowing it is. It's weird.
Not . . . really bad-weird, increasingly.)
But he's not there yet. He pauses in thought, pulls his own t-shirt off over his head in a fit of courage, and then figures the best course of action is to press right back up against Togami again. They're still not skin to skin, which makes it a little easier to commit to.]
So . . . you don't like me pressed up tightly against you, huh?
[Also, he's being mildly annoying about it, which definitely makes it easier to commit to.
But it feels good, weighing him down onto the bed again and settling against his body, with a little less between them than there was before. He's trying not to give too much of that away just now, but there's some definite darkness in his eyes, pupils wide and expression slipping just a little hazier.]
...I didn't say that. [ It seems pointless to deny, when he's already fully consented to this much. Consenting to something and liking something may be two very different things, but he's not agreeing to liking it either! Out loud.
He shifts under Leon, but doesn't make a move to dislodge him. Instead, he runs his hand over Leon's bare back, drawing his fingers over the skin.
He's not writing anything, but he remembers it again. In retrospect, that whole deal was also pretty unnecessary, he thinks to himself. Everyone else is content going to the Sanctuary again and again, and he's done the same with other people. Of course that makes the skin-writing much more subtle in comparison, but thinking about it from a certain direction is embarrassing...
Only because he's here now actually being physically intimate with Leon. When he could tell himself that he had no interest in touching anyone and was doing it for purely practical reasons, there was no reason to be embarrassed of that. He's only flustered now that there's a connection to his own personal desires. Are these really his own personal desires??
And weren't we NOT overthinking things?! He curls his fingers against Leon's skin, neatly trimmed nails barely scraping. ]
[For the first time, Leon's surprised at the sound of his own voice—it reminds him of what he's like with girls, kind of. Kind of not. And it's been a long time since he got to hear himself like that, anyway, so who knows what's happened to it in the meantime? But it's the nails on his back, barely-there, but even more noticeable for how subtle they are; it's Togami's way of admitting to things without admitting them, which makes him fun to tease in the same way girls are when they hold back. It's being close enough now to feel the warmth of Togami's skin through his shirt, even if he can't feel the smoothness of it yet.
It makes his voice dark and thick in a way he likes, playful, more confident than he feels.
But he's starting to muster up some of that, too, actually.
He leans down again to mouth at Togami's lower lip, half-kissing him, mostly just sharing breath with him, and moves to start untucking his overly dressy-ass shirt from his pants, fingers creeping in to finally brush bare skin.]
[ He doesn't know what to do with the awkward half-kiss; he can't really talk like this, but they're not actually kissing either. It's not bad. Actually, it's kind of nice. But he definitely feels... at a disadvantage. Especially when he was already experiencing a surge of insecurity.
Those aren't feelings he enjoys, so he has to figure out some way to dispose of them. It's hard to think of something, when he doesn't really have much instinct to rely on in these situations, and when the feeling of Leon's fingers on his skin is pretty distracting. Eventually, he just leans into the idea of the distracting touch, running his hands more deliberately down the lines of Leon's body, sliding down his sides.
His tongue darts out towards Leon's lips, too, because why not. ]
[That doesn't not work. It at least shuts him up good. Togami's hands feel good on him, even if they're too big. His hips feel good under Leon's fingers as he untucks his shirt from his pants and begins to ruck it up his chest, even if they're too narrow and bony. His stomach is too flat and firm—
Seriously, the list of what's wrong with this situation is so endless that, in the back of his mind, Leon can't figure out why the combined force of those things hasn't tipped this over into feeling Actually Wrong yet.
But it hasn't. And he's starting to slip in deeper past the point where he can keep track of it, even in the back of his mind.
Instead he murmurs when Togami's tongue touches his lips—no actual words, just something quiet but heated-sounding enough to surprise him all over again—and tilts in to close the distance and meet Togami's lips again, and then his tongue, slipping in to touch and stroke at it with his own. The last corner bit of Togami's shirt pulls free from his waistband with an abrupt jerk, and it feels like all at once his shirt's riding half up his chest, his stomach bared enough to be hot-feeling against Leon's own bare skin low down his waist.]
[ Togami shivers—it's not every day that he has skin-to-skin contact like this, and it feels just as intimate as Leon's tongue in his mouth does, if not more. At the very least, it's newer; they'd definitely made out before at the prom, but they weren't pressing half-naked bodies up against each other or anything. Until now.
He tolerates it, though, even though he's focusing more of his attention on returning the kiss properly. He's not aggressive, but he's not being passive, either. ]
It's enough, though. For Leon too. It's not much, and as a person, he's way more used to half-naked bodies pressing together than Togami is . . . though it's admittedly been a while. But it's never not what it is: intimate, and hot-feeling, and a surprise when he's not paying attention and suddenly it's happening. Belly against belly isn't what he was focused on in that moment. When it happens, that unexpected press of skin, his guard falls for a moment in a way he can't even hope to control; he hisses quietly against Togami's lips, faltering in the kiss, and his back curls at the tingle down his spine and presses him down and forward and he didn't mean to do that, but for a second there, damn.
in a way that's abruptly a little disturbing. He feels like he needs to pull down all the mental charts and observe the physical details of their current situation so that he can make absolutely sure that he is in control of himself and that Leon is way more into this than he is. The narrative of this encounter is that he is willingly tolerating this unprecedented intimacy so that he can get his own pleasure out of it. That doesn't seem to be too far off from what this is... but a crucial point is that Leon's pleasure is secondary, and Togami has no reason to have any interest in it. So a sudden thrill at Leon's desire—
Well, it did feel good, didn't it? It's still for his own benefit. He needs to calm down; he should know by now that not everything has to be a zero-sum game, and there's nothing wrong or contradictory with things being mutually beneficial... And he should have realized that this would be fundamentally different from any careful indulgence of throwaway acquaintances he may have had in the past.
He doesn't really express any of this out loud, but he also falters in the kiss, swallowing, frozen in deliberation. ]
[Leon's not sure how to take that pause, but it's pretty obvious how it echoes his own. And he sure knows why he fumbled there. So maybe that's an encouraging sign; Togami isn't the only one having a moment here, of "it's pretty hot when the other person's getting into it too." At least on Leon's part that's not exactly a surprise. (It does add a little to the complications of sexual orientation here—it's got to be pretty gay to get off on a guy getting off, right?—but by now he's having more success shoving those problems aside, at least for the moment.)
The point is, he notices, and he feels a rush. His mouth feels dry and his throat thick and choked. His fingertips tingle hotly, pressed up against Togami's back where he'd yanked his shirt up, and he wonders for a second if Togami can feel them vibrating against his skin—that's dumb, but—
Now that they've paused, the only way to go is forward. He knows that. They're at a point where they either move on or stop entirely . . . and Leon definitely doesn't want to stop entirely. So onward it is. There could be more skin touching, he thinks, and then he shifts on top of Togami, rubbing against him again low down their bodies in a way that's definitely edging on dangerous, but for now he's just squirming his hand up between them to start working on the buttons of his shirt. That's all. Even if that shifting around was a bit deliberate, he can start there first.
And—
He wants Togami to know he liked it, too, he realizes; he wants to encourage him. More of that, keep doing that. His throat works audibly while the two of them are frozen like that, and then Leon brushes their lips together again—more shallow, but insistently—and makes an encouraging, wordless sound right into his mouth.]
[ He's still frozen when Leon starts unbuttoning his shirt, desperately begging his brain to start working again and cover for his hesitation somehow. And do something! It's rare that he's reduced to inaction for quite this long—
So, it's a wave of relief washing over him when Leon kisses him again. He can let go of that tension like it never happened, leaning into the kiss again as if it had never stopped. He makes a soft noise himself in response, trailing a hand down Leon's bare chest. ]
[Seeing Togami thrown off is definitely rewarding in its own way. Especially if it's the good kind of thrown off, and Leon hopes it was. He wants to keep doing it. More of everything—more of those tiny noises, more touching, more kissing, more of his weirdly charming faltering . . . just more.
Togami's shirt buttons in the opposite way from a girl's, which trips Leon up a little, but then he's got the hang of it, working his way down one-handed. Sliding his hand in under the fabric once he's opened up enough of a gap is the first really different moment—because there's nothing there. No bra to fumble with. Nothing that would go in a bra. It's just flat, warm skin over firm muscle and bone.
Leon's mostly thinking about lips right now, and warmth. The hand on his own chest (it's nice) and the fact that a body stretched out under his hips is beginning to make him react. But his hand, drifting around for something to touch where it's used to finding something else, creeps over Togami's heartbeat to feel that instead.]
[ Togami shivers at the touch, oversensitive to the intimacy. His heart is beating a little bit faster than normal; nothing out of the ordinary in the context of their current situation, but the fact that it's being monitored makes it race a little more just on its own, in anticipation of some unknown consequences for his reaction. He deliberately averts reciprocating the gesture, his fingers sliding down more towards Leon's stomach instead. ]
[That feels like another step down this long road. Point L, maybe. Touching his stomach isn't quite shoving hands down pants territory, but it's both erotic and . . . kinda ticklish. Leon can't help but huff out a shivery laugh, muscles twitching under Togami's fingertips. It's—fun. He knows Togami isn't meaning to be playful, but it's a little like that anyway, and he's into it.
In retaliation . . .
His own fingers are right near Togami's nipple. Do guys like that? He's never messed much with his own, and neither has any girl. But messing with nipples is like, an essential part of foreplay, right? Does it even work on guys? What happens when there's no breast there? There's nothing for Leon to cup in his hand, but he spreads his hand anyway and nudges hard with this thumb, rolling up against it and watching for the reaction.]
[ Oh. He completely forgot to be conscious of that part of his anatomy betraying anything. Like Leon, it's not something he really has any experience with. But his nipples are already stiff before Leon touches them, although the brush of his fingers makes them moreso.
His muscles flex in response, his hand curling up against Leon's stomach. What was he laughing about? Himself? Or Togami? Or something else entirely? All he can do is assume the worst and counter that. He's more deliberate with his fingernails, now, dragging them against Leon's skin.
It's only after he does that that he realizes that Leon was probably just ticklish in the first place. Well, it works out that way too. ]
[Leon shivers hard again at the flex of fingers—his body isn't sure how to react to it. It's still ticklish, but with the light bite of Togami's nails, it's a little more than that, too. He's more used to those on his back in this type of situation. He's not sure how to deal with them on his stomach . . .
Luckily, he doesn't actually have to think about it; his body does the work for him, even if his reflexes also aren't quite sure what they're doing with this sensation. Another low bubble of laughter rises from his throat, but it's brief and uncontrolled, and then his body shifts up to try and urge Togami's hand down lower.
Is that actually what he wants? Does it matter? It's what's happening.
What he's actually thinking about is nipples. So guys do react to that. Well, of course he'd known they can get stiff like a girl's; it's not like he hasn't had his own for 19 years. But he's never . . . used them before. Even though there's no awesome titty attached to this one to play with, which does kinda suck, he's still really compelled to put his mouth on it anyway—so he does, without overthinking is, bending to part his lips against Togami's chest and slide his tongue out to stroke wetly and suck lightly at it. He can't watch very well in this position, which is too bad; he wants to see this reaction. He can at least listen for it.
Is it weird, he wonders, to think a dude has pretty great nipples?]
[ Togami tries hard to not have an audible reaction, but despite his efforts, his breathing still becomes heavier as Leon does that. So this is the power of an erogenous zone, even if it seems unrelated to the main one... Well, kissing was already demonstrating that pretty well, so he shouldn't be too surprised.
It seems like maybe finally he can go back to messing with Leon's waistline without it being rushed and inappropriate, but he still hesitates, instead trailing his hand down lower over Leon's shorts rather than under them. Even if he's dancing around removing more clothes, he still feels the need to confirm that Leon is at least as... compromised as he is. ]
[Compromised. Right. He sure is now, when Togami brushes a hand against him; that feels like a leap from Point K straight over to Point. P maybe. Shut up.
The thing about Leon's underwear is that he's packed pretty tight into it. They're compression shorts, after all. There's no clear outline of anything like there might be otherwise, nothing easy to wrap any fingers around if someone (probably not Togami, let's be real here) were going for that. But that doesn't mean it's not obvious that yes, he is in fact—compromised, sure. Just because he's kind of squished in there doesn't mean he isn't pretty hard at the same time, and the firm bulge is unmistakable.
Or maybe it could be mistaken, but his reaction would be even harder to miss. He'd been half expecting that, because it was obviously what his own body was going for in pressing into Togami's hand like that . . . but that doesn't make it any less electrifying. He gasps, muffled against Togami's chest (but hot against the skin, and damp, lips dragging). And even though part of his mind wants to pull away and end this crazy shit, the whole of his body wants to press into it, and that's what he goes with in the end, hips bucking lightly forward.
And since this is fuckin' happening, it's not only going to happen to him. Leon takes another shuddery breath, rubbing his cheek vaguely against Togami's chest, and all at once, his own hand is down between Togami's legs. He's less hesitant about it in action, if not in thought. If he thinks about it too long he's going to chicken out, dammit.]
[ Togami jerks slightly, shivering; he can't say he wasn't expecting this, but it's true that expecting something doesn't always dull the reaction.
In a rush, he realizes consciously why this is all so extra embarrassing—he's aware that he doesn't intimidate or captivate Leon enough to save himself from any hypothetical ridicule or rejection. He doesn't really have a safety net to prevent himself from looking stupid. He's historically minimized this universal human problem to the degree that most of the time, he forgets that it's a problem that people have.
But "historically" isn't the way he's doing things anymore, and it's definitely not the way he's doing things now. He can't swing more towards intimidating, or he'll scare Leon away and ultimately shoot himself in the foot. And if he tries to swing towards captivating on purpose, that has about a 100% probability of making him look stupid, so his odds are better this way.
Knowing that doesn't make him more equipped to deal with someone who isn't under his control going and feeling up his hard-on. But it at least gives him some mental clarity to push past the embarrassment and focus on pulling down those compression shorts instead. ]
[It's not like Togami's the only one who has to deal with the emotional complications of hands touching dicks right now. Leon's got two of those to worry about: his own and Togami's. And they're happening at the same time, which is pretty overwhelming.
His shorts are loose, but his underwear is tight; still, it peels down and around his thighs without too much trouble, exposing him. It's not like he was trying to hide that he's turned on before, but suddenly here he is, completely unable to hide it if he did want to. A choked little sound strangles in his throat, and he can't help but look down his own body, which feels like it's blushing all the way down his neck and chest and maybe even down to his cock itself. (It's not, but it's a lot of bare skin exposed, and seeing it makes this feel abruptly very, very real. Heavily real.)
And there's his hand also between Togami's legs, he can see that too, and that's . . .
. . . It's hot. He can't deny it. Leon hadn't been sure what he'd think about touching a dick until he had one kind of in his hand. Now he does, and it's hot. He has definitely 100% never thought of himself as a guy who likes dicks, but here he is feeling the warm pressure of it against his fingers, and there's something erotic about it in a deep-down primal kind of way he didn't expect. Maybe it's because it's for him. I did this to this asshole. I did this and he likes it.
He wants to see it.
So it's time to get that belt off and Togami's pants open, so that they're on even ground here. Leon fumbles one-handed with that, taking a shaky breath. It's embarrassing to be clumsy about it, but it also means his hand rubbing more accidentally between Togami's legs too, feeling him up through his pants, which he's finding he likes a whole lot.
As he starts shoving them down, it feels like there's some spell going on over both of them that he'll only break if he says anything; the thought terrifies him. And yet it's like an itch he can't stand not to scratch. He has to. He wants to hear while he sees.]
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It had been an impulse, but it wasn't like it wasn't on purpose, either—though he hadn't been sure what to expect. What he gets is pretty compelling. When he just does things like that, they feel so easy. Togami's reaction isn't so different from a girl's; more to the point, it's not at all different in how it makes Leon feel to see it. He moves to crawl over Togami on the bed, watching his face—focused on the way his lips open, and the quiet sound of his breath speeding up—and the distant, warm ache Leon feels at those things isn't really that different after all.
It's fun. It's fun to make him react, take him off guard when he's always so guarded, and it's rewarding that he doesn't compose himself after that moment of shock. It's so rewarding that Leon doesn't really want to give him time to do so. He climbs up onto the bed and over Togami on his hands and knees and then leans in again without hesitation, curling his fingers sharply in Togami's hair to tilt his face up for another, slightly more breathless kiss.]
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Solidifying this decision for himself, he kisses back thoroughly, without reservations. ]
Mmm—
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It's hot. Even if it's a guy's voice moaning against his lips, it's still hot.
And it's good being pressed up against someone's body, too, good enough that Leon half-thinks (that's where his mental capacity is at this point, around half-thinking range) that it'd be even better if they had less clothes on. That idea doesn't jive well with just having pressed his whole body hard up against Togami's, but hey, nobody's perfect. He'll just have to make do. He can at least start without having to pull away again.
He goes for the tie first, fingers creeping up to begin tugging it loose.]
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(They still have to address the reason he came here in the first place... But doing it afterwards seems like a good idea. Anyone who was trying to spy on important conversations would take one look at this scene and immediately call it quits. ...He assumes.)
Right—clothes off. Leon can figure out how to get a tie off on his own. Togami goes for what's most immediately accessible to him, which happens to be Leon's waistband. He's not really cognizant of how many steps this is probably skipping—foreplay is not in his skillset—but there is a vague uncertainty about the way he's slow to try and tug it down. ]
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It takes Leon off guard when Togami goes right for his pants. What a—weird choice. All at once he's overthinking again: why that first thing? Is he in a rush? But he's not acting rushed about it . . . so why start there? Maybe just to keep his arms out of the way of Leon's arms, which are working Togami's tie loose and off, and then he's left staring down at this elite motherfucker wearing a suit on his bed.
(He looks great like this. There's just something about a guy—a person—all dressed up but slowly getting wrecked, hair in disarray, face flushed . . . )
Forget it. He shoves away all of his overthinking again; it's just making things awkward, while the greater part of him wants to make things fun. He is having fun. He is, so his choices are to either
1. stop having fun and preserve his self-image but not get to have any fun and probably obsess for the next three months again over the fact that he still wants to have some Togami fun
2. overthink every fucking thing and take the fun out of it, but still do it anyway, completely stripping this experience of anything positive it might offer
3. just have the damn fun.
He can only do so much from moment to moment to control which of those things he's picking, but dammit, he really needs to lean as hard as he can towards 3.
And he is.
Leon sits up a little to fuss with Togami's jacket. He's wearing a belt himself, and shorts, so it'll take a little more than tugging to get them down, but it's not exactly a chastity belt even for the impassioned and/or inexperienced.]
Heh . . . if you're in a rush, you should've thought of that before you put on like sixty layers.
[He grins, pausing to sweep his hair back from his own face and catch his breath. But he doesn't make any move to stop Togami from getting his belt unbuckled.]
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[ Which is true. It had seemed like the easiest thing to take off while Leon was where he was before, even though that was an incorrect assumption, because he couldn't see those clothes and how was he supposed to remember what Leon was wearing?? Like he was paying that close attention.
But, he reminds himself, the actual most efficient option would have been to push Leon back a bit to give them some room, instead of fumbling blindly and making assumptions. So, it is at this juncture that Togami must swallow the knowledge that—logically—he was considering the sensation of Leon's body pressing up against his own as too high priority to sacrifice.
He also has to consciously dissuade himself from overthinking this, although he has a little less success at it than Leon, pursing his lips as he silently slides the belt out of its loops.
The comment about his layers, though, he just completely shrugs off without comment. Of course he wore a suit. Even if he had realized what they were going to be doing here, he would probably make the same choice. No sassy comments are going to make him feel insecure about that part! ]
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[But hey, he did get the jacket off, and he tosses it off to the side over his desk chair to get it out of the way. Normally that would go right on the floor, but he can sense he's going to get complained at if he does that . . . well, that might be funny. He can reserve that for Togami's pants, when he gets there.
(There's another moment of being at point A—okay, by now they're at point G at least, but still in the first half of the alphabet—and looking into the future at point R or whatever and wondering how the hell that's going to happen, while at the same time knowing it is. It's weird.
Not . . . really bad-weird, increasingly.)
But he's not there yet. He pauses in thought, pulls his own t-shirt off over his head in a fit of courage, and then figures the best course of action is to press right back up against Togami again. They're still not skin to skin, which makes it a little easier to commit to.]
So . . . you don't like me pressed up tightly against you, huh?
[Also, he's being mildly annoying about it, which definitely makes it easier to commit to.
But it feels good, weighing him down onto the bed again and settling against his body, with a little less between them than there was before. He's trying not to give too much of that away just now, but there's some definite darkness in his eyes, pupils wide and expression slipping just a little hazier.]
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He shifts under Leon, but doesn't make a move to dislodge him. Instead, he runs his hand over Leon's bare back, drawing his fingers over the skin.
He's not writing anything, but he remembers it again. In retrospect, that whole deal was also pretty unnecessary, he thinks to himself. Everyone else is content going to the Sanctuary again and again, and he's done the same with other people. Of course that makes the skin-writing much more subtle in comparison, but thinking about it from a certain direction is embarrassing...
Only because he's here now actually being physically intimate with Leon. When he could tell himself that he had no interest in touching anyone and was doing it for purely practical reasons, there was no reason to be embarrassed of that. He's only flustered now that there's a connection to his own personal desires. Are these really his own personal desires??
And weren't we NOT overthinking things?! He curls his fingers against Leon's skin, neatly trimmed nails barely scraping. ]
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[For the first time, Leon's surprised at the sound of his own voice—it reminds him of what he's like with girls, kind of. Kind of not. And it's been a long time since he got to hear himself like that, anyway, so who knows what's happened to it in the meantime? But it's the nails on his back, barely-there, but even more noticeable for how subtle they are; it's Togami's way of admitting to things without admitting them, which makes him fun to tease in the same way girls are when they hold back. It's being close enough now to feel the warmth of Togami's skin through his shirt, even if he can't feel the smoothness of it yet.
It makes his voice dark and thick in a way he likes, playful, more confident than he feels.
But he's starting to muster up some of that, too, actually.
He leans down again to mouth at Togami's lower lip, half-kissing him, mostly just sharing breath with him, and moves to start untucking his overly dressy-ass shirt from his pants, fingers creeping in to finally brush bare skin.]
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Those aren't feelings he enjoys, so he has to figure out some way to dispose of them. It's hard to think of something, when he doesn't really have much instinct to rely on in these situations, and when the feeling of Leon's fingers on his skin is pretty distracting. Eventually, he just leans into the idea of the distracting touch, running his hands more deliberately down the lines of Leon's body, sliding down his sides.
His tongue darts out towards Leon's lips, too, because why not. ]
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Seriously, the list of what's wrong with this situation is so endless that, in the back of his mind, Leon can't figure out why the combined force of those things hasn't tipped this over into feeling Actually Wrong yet.
But it hasn't. And he's starting to slip in deeper past the point where he can keep track of it, even in the back of his mind.
Instead he murmurs when Togami's tongue touches his lips—no actual words, just something quiet but heated-sounding enough to surprise him all over again—and tilts in to close the distance and meet Togami's lips again, and then his tongue, slipping in to touch and stroke at it with his own. The last corner bit of Togami's shirt pulls free from his waistband with an abrupt jerk, and it feels like all at once his shirt's riding half up his chest, his stomach bared enough to be hot-feeling against Leon's own bare skin low down his waist.]
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He tolerates it, though, even though he's focusing more of his attention on returning the kiss properly. He's not aggressive, but he's not being passive, either. ]
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It's enough, though. For Leon too. It's not much, and as a person, he's way more used to half-naked bodies pressing together than Togami is . . . though it's admittedly been a while. But it's never not what it is: intimate, and hot-feeling, and a surprise when he's not paying attention and suddenly it's happening. Belly against belly isn't what he was focused on in that moment. When it happens, that unexpected press of skin, his guard falls for a moment in a way he can't even hope to control; he hisses quietly against Togami's lips, faltering in the kiss, and his back curls at the tingle down his spine and presses him down and forward and he didn't mean to do that, but for a second there, damn.
That felt good.]
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in a way that's abruptly a little disturbing. He feels like he needs to pull down all the mental charts and observe the physical details of their current situation so that he can make absolutely sure that he is in control of himself and that Leon is way more into this than he is. The narrative of this encounter is that he is willingly tolerating this unprecedented intimacy so that he can get his own pleasure out of it. That doesn't seem to be too far off from what this is... but a crucial point is that Leon's pleasure is secondary, and Togami has no reason to have any interest in it. So a sudden thrill at Leon's desire—
Well, it did feel good, didn't it? It's still for his own benefit. He needs to calm down; he should know by now that not everything has to be a zero-sum game, and there's nothing wrong or contradictory with things being mutually beneficial... And he should have realized that this would be fundamentally different from any careful indulgence of throwaway acquaintances he may have had in the past.
He doesn't really express any of this out loud, but he also falters in the kiss, swallowing, frozen in deliberation. ]
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The point is, he notices, and he feels a rush. His mouth feels dry and his throat thick and choked. His fingertips tingle hotly, pressed up against Togami's back where he'd yanked his shirt up, and he wonders for a second if Togami can feel them vibrating against his skin—that's dumb, but—
Now that they've paused, the only way to go is forward. He knows that. They're at a point where they either move on or stop entirely . . . and Leon definitely doesn't want to stop entirely. So onward it is. There could be more skin touching, he thinks, and then he shifts on top of Togami, rubbing against him again low down their bodies in a way that's definitely edging on dangerous, but for now he's just squirming his hand up between them to start working on the buttons of his shirt. That's all. Even if that shifting around was a bit deliberate, he can start there first.
And—
He wants Togami to know he liked it, too, he realizes; he wants to encourage him. More of that, keep doing that. His throat works audibly while the two of them are frozen like that, and then Leon brushes their lips together again—more shallow, but insistently—and makes an encouraging, wordless sound right into his mouth.]
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So, it's a wave of relief washing over him when Leon kisses him again. He can let go of that tension like it never happened, leaning into the kiss again as if it had never stopped. He makes a soft noise himself in response, trailing a hand down Leon's bare chest. ]
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Togami's shirt buttons in the opposite way from a girl's, which trips Leon up a little, but then he's got the hang of it, working his way down one-handed. Sliding his hand in under the fabric once he's opened up enough of a gap is the first really different moment—because there's nothing there. No bra to fumble with. Nothing that would go in a bra. It's just flat, warm skin over firm muscle and bone.
Leon's mostly thinking about lips right now, and warmth. The hand on his own chest (it's nice) and the fact that a body stretched out under his hips is beginning to make him react. But his hand, drifting around for something to touch where it's used to finding something else, creeps over Togami's heartbeat to feel that instead.]
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In retaliation . . .
His own fingers are right near Togami's nipple. Do guys like that? He's never messed much with his own, and neither has any girl. But messing with nipples is like, an essential part of foreplay, right? Does it even work on guys? What happens when there's no breast there? There's nothing for Leon to cup in his hand, but he spreads his hand anyway and nudges hard with this thumb, rolling up against it and watching for the reaction.]
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[ Oh. He completely forgot to be conscious of that part of his anatomy betraying anything. Like Leon, it's not something he really has any experience with. But his nipples are already stiff before Leon touches them, although the brush of his fingers makes them moreso.
His muscles flex in response, his hand curling up against Leon's stomach. What was he laughing about? Himself? Or Togami? Or something else entirely? All he can do is assume the worst and counter that. He's more deliberate with his fingernails, now, dragging them against Leon's skin.
It's only after he does that that he realizes that Leon was probably just ticklish in the first place. Well, it works out that way too. ]
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Luckily, he doesn't actually have to think about it; his body does the work for him, even if his reflexes also aren't quite sure what they're doing with this sensation. Another low bubble of laughter rises from his throat, but it's brief and uncontrolled, and then his body shifts up to try and urge Togami's hand down lower.
Is that actually what he wants? Does it matter? It's what's happening.
What he's actually thinking about is nipples. So guys do react to that. Well, of course he'd known they can get stiff like a girl's; it's not like he hasn't had his own for 19 years. But he's never . . . used them before. Even though there's no awesome titty attached to this one to play with, which does kinda suck, he's still really compelled to put his mouth on it anyway—so he does, without overthinking is, bending to part his lips against Togami's chest and slide his tongue out to stroke wetly and suck lightly at it. He can't watch very well in this position, which is too bad; he wants to see this reaction. He can at least listen for it.
Is it weird, he wonders, to think a dude has pretty great nipples?]
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It seems like maybe finally he can go back to messing with Leon's waistline without it being rushed and inappropriate, but he still hesitates, instead trailing his hand down lower over Leon's shorts rather than under them. Even if he's dancing around removing more clothes, he still feels the need to confirm that Leon is at least as... compromised as he is. ]
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The thing about Leon's underwear is that he's packed pretty tight into it. They're compression shorts, after all. There's no clear outline of anything like there might be otherwise, nothing easy to wrap any fingers around if someone (probably not Togami, let's be real here) were going for that. But that doesn't mean it's not obvious that yes, he is in fact—compromised, sure. Just because he's kind of squished in there doesn't mean he isn't pretty hard at the same time, and the firm bulge is unmistakable.
Or maybe it could be mistaken, but his reaction would be even harder to miss. He'd been half expecting that, because it was obviously what his own body was going for in pressing into Togami's hand like that . . . but that doesn't make it any less electrifying. He gasps, muffled against Togami's chest (but hot against the skin, and damp, lips dragging). And even though part of his mind wants to pull away and end this crazy shit, the whole of his body wants to press into it, and that's what he goes with in the end, hips bucking lightly forward.
And since this is fuckin' happening, it's not only going to happen to him. Leon takes another shuddery breath, rubbing his cheek vaguely against Togami's chest, and all at once, his own hand is down between Togami's legs. He's less hesitant about it in action, if not in thought. If he thinks about it too long he's going to chicken out, dammit.]
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[ Togami jerks slightly, shivering; he can't say he wasn't expecting this, but it's true that expecting something doesn't always dull the reaction.
In a rush, he realizes consciously why this is all so extra embarrassing—he's aware that he doesn't intimidate or captivate Leon enough to save himself from any hypothetical ridicule or rejection. He doesn't really have a safety net to prevent himself from looking stupid. He's historically minimized this universal human problem to the degree that most of the time, he forgets that it's a problem that people have.
But "historically" isn't the way he's doing things anymore, and it's definitely not the way he's doing things now. He can't swing more towards intimidating, or he'll scare Leon away and ultimately shoot himself in the foot. And if he tries to swing towards captivating on purpose, that has about a 100% probability of making him look stupid, so his odds are better this way.
Knowing that doesn't make him more equipped to deal with someone who isn't under his control going and feeling up his hard-on. But it at least gives him some mental clarity to push past the embarrassment and focus on pulling down those compression shorts instead. ]
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His shorts are loose, but his underwear is tight; still, it peels down and around his thighs without too much trouble, exposing him. It's not like he was trying to hide that he's turned on before, but suddenly here he is, completely unable to hide it if he did want to. A choked little sound strangles in his throat, and he can't help but look down his own body, which feels like it's blushing all the way down his neck and chest and maybe even down to his cock itself. (It's not, but it's a lot of bare skin exposed, and seeing it makes this feel abruptly very, very real. Heavily real.)
And there's his hand also between Togami's legs, he can see that too, and that's . . .
. . . It's hot. He can't deny it. Leon hadn't been sure what he'd think about touching a dick until he had one kind of in his hand. Now he does, and it's hot. He has definitely 100% never thought of himself as a guy who likes dicks, but here he is feeling the warm pressure of it against his fingers, and there's something erotic about it in a deep-down primal kind of way he didn't expect. Maybe it's because it's for him. I did this to this asshole. I did this and he likes it.
He wants to see it.
So it's time to get that belt off and Togami's pants open, so that they're on even ground here. Leon fumbles one-handed with that, taking a shaky breath. It's embarrassing to be clumsy about it, but it also means his hand rubbing more accidentally between Togami's legs too, feeling him up through his pants, which he's finding he likes a whole lot.
As he starts shoving them down, it feels like there's some spell going on over both of them that he'll only break if he says anything; the thought terrifies him. And yet it's like an itch he can't stand not to scratch. He has to. He wants to hear while he sees.]
—You like this.
[Finally.]
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