babermetrics | IC INBOX

Well, no, but it's gotta hit a plateau, right? It's just like beer . . . there's stuff that just doesn't taste good no matter what, but you drink it anyway for what it does for you.

[He glances around the partition as Togami is scrolling past the recently watched stuff, and snorts.]

You need some recs, Togami? Ha ha!

For coffee?

[ He doesn't realize that Leon is looking over his shoulder, and that he suddenly changed the topic, so he obliviously continues on talking about coffee and beer as he keeps looking through the CereVice. ]

I certainly don't want any recommendations from someone who doesn't even enjoy the taste of coffee or beer. Your palate is simply unrefined. Don't act like your ignorance is universal...

[He'd ducked back into the kitchen after that, but he pokes his head out again when Togami trails off. He's got to see the reaction to this.]

I meant porn, man. I bet you've got a completely 100% unrefined porn palate yourself.

[ Togami slowly turns towards Leon, giving him a stony look of disapproval for a long moment. But then he glances back at the video selection screen. ]

And you think that... this is in the metaphorical diet of someone with a "refined" palate?

[ He goes back a bit and clicks on the first porn thumbnail in reach. HMMMM. LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF TITLE AND DESCRIPTION THIS HAS? ]

[That one happens to be "Happy guy fucks girlfriend and her sister." It doesn't have a description, what do you think this is, IMDB?

There's a lot going on inside Leon right now. He actually clicked on it?! On one hand that's hilarious; who would ever believe this if he told them? But at the same time, he feels a surge of panic inside of himself as soon as Togami starts playing the video—which one is this again? Does anything weird happen in it? Are there any kinks in there that he maybe didn't want Togami to know he had?! No, this one was pretty normal, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Nothing weird about a threesome with two sisters . . . (they don't look like sisters even remotely, but it's fiction! Who cares?)

His heart still picks up the pace in that moment of uncertainty. But there's one more thing, too: he's been having these weird feelings lately when his anxiety gets going, this bizarre blanket of calm that just settles over him out of nowhere. It's like he can see his guardian angel watching over him from the corner of his eye. Not that Leon believes in that shit, and if he did, he'd probably feel a little weird about watching porn with an angel. But belief has nothing to do with this. Something's going on. Maybe it's some weird CERES thing again, he doesn't know; it wouldn't be the first time he'd spent a couple weeks in a good mood he couldn't explain, only to realize later that something was going on with their code. But it's hard to get up in arms about positive feelings . . .

Even if he really can see something weird in the corner of the room, sometimes.

This time, he can feel the grip of that brief panic around his heart loosening. Of course this was a normal video. There's nothing gross or fetishy or off or gay or anything else about this one, so it's safe for this to be hilarious. Good choice, Togami.

All of that happens in approximately two seconds: he peeks out, sees what Togami's doing, and goes briefly pale, eyes widening, before rallying again and laughing. His voice is still a little thick with fading panic, but even that's already ebbing away when he answers.]

I dunno, what kinda porn do you watch? I guess they're not screwing in a mansion or anything, is that your fetish?

[ Eh. It looks boring and mediocre already, but he can't go very far in tearing it apart with just a title. He presses play on the video. It's porn critique time. ]

What we're discussing is a "refined palate". You're the one who was so eager to make recommendations, so let's set fetishes aside. Please educate me as to what, exactly, "Happy guy fucks girlfriend and her sister" has to recommend itself. [ The quotation marks are obvious in his tone when he recites the title word-for-word. ] It doesn't seem to have a very high production quality. What here appeals to your discerning, cultivated tastes, Kuwata?

[ He finally shoots Leon another glance, briefly, to show off a smirk. ]

[By now Leon's walking out with two cups of coffee, and seriously debating with himself whether to hand Togami his or dump it over his head. He can tell he's being fucked with here! But two things: first of all, he's still feeling that unusual calm.

And second, he's not convinced yet that Togami actually has the upper hand, here. This feels like the kind of situation that could be turned right around on him if he plays his cards right.

So for now, he doesn't scald his friend with hot liquid. He sets the mugs down on the coffee table (Togami's coffee is black, Leon's is all bastardized with cream and sugar) and flops on the couch. First things first: Togami obviously doesn't know shit about porn.]

You're kidding, right? Were you expecting award-winning camera shots or somethin' here? This's way better than amateur stuff! I mean, not better-better, amateur's totally hot . . . but more "refined" or whatever! You just don't know how to have fun!

[With your dick.]

Even if they have higher quality equipment, the shots are still uninspired and the backlighting is strong enough to be garish at times. You seem to be asking me to lower my quality standards, which seems counter to the assertion that I have an unrefined palate...

[ He gestures towards the screen, a little incredulous. ]

And what is the point of putting "Happy" in the title, and then providing absolutely no evidence of his mental state in the video itself? Are they so inept at creating mood that this is the only way they are able to get that information across? In fact, I would say that the general atmosphere of this video is quotidian ennui, on par with the Realist movement. Is the title ironic?

Oh my god, why do I even talk to you?

[He just has to beg the heavens for guidance in that matter before he can move on with the rest of this conversation. His coffee can wait on the table for a bit, because sipping hot coffee is too delicate a gesture to go with this kind of argument. Instead he snorts and leans back against the couch, crossing his arms, one eye still on the porn playing on the screen. (The truth is, it's not a very good video; it's just one he happened to watch recently. You don't always know what you're going to get when you click into a porno.)]

What did you even just say, quoted what? You're only saying it like that to screw with me, I know you! It's 'cuz you know you're totally missing out on a vital life experience here! Look, you know the guy's happy because any guy would be happy to have two girls blowing him at once!

[Which is what's currently happening on the screen, though in an admittedly understated way. It's not that Togami's without a point, here.

Leon's not in the mode of watching this porn to get off on at the moment, so he's actually pretty unaffected by the image himself. Maybe if it had been a better scene . . . ]

They don't gotta show the guy being happy 'cuz the entire point is that a guy watches this video, thinks about getting his dick sucked by two sisters, and gets happy himself! Know what I mean? Have you seriously never used porn at all except to go all film critic on it, man?

[This leads to a brief moment of imagining Togami actually using porn.

. . . Nope. Let's just. Set that one aside for now. Forever?]

[ He laughs a little, taking a sip of the coffee while Leon goes on his counter-rant. The coffee is better than the porno, at least. ]

It's factually incorrect to say that any man would be pleased to receive blowjobs from two women at once. Do you simply project your own sexual preferences onto everyone else? You can't use your own feelings as proof of someone else's feelings.

[He rolls his eyes, sparing the video a quick glance, but it's not like it's gotten more interesting in the past few seconds. (His favorite part is pretty near the end, as pornos generally go.)]

C'mon, you can't use that argument! Obviously some guys are gay and wouldn't get off on it, duh. But a gay guy wouldn't click into a video about a dude and two chicks in the first place, so they don't count for this! That ain't the audience! Any guy who clicks into this video is definitely the kinda guy who gets off on screwing two girls at once! That's like twice as straight.

[There, argument made. An iron-clad one, if he does say so himself. No reason to elaborate or follow it up with anything else. Just wait for Togami to argue that one, ha ha!]

. . . Why, are you gay or something?

[Dammit, Kuwata!]

[ He rolls his eyes. Ugh. He expected an annoying question like that to be the followup there. He hates inconsequential labels... Well, he may as well just say that. ]

Do you need a label so that you can choose which preconceived assumptions you feel the need to beleaguer me with? I'll pass.

What? I was just asking!

[He hadn't expected that to be the response. He had expected to flare up with defensiveness, because he knew it was an awkward question that he was asking for awkward reasons, but he didn't think it'd take on quite this color when it happened. Leon frowns, grabbing for the remote to aggressively pause the video. It's finally starting to get loud enough to be distracting.]

I wasn't doing that, I just—I just asked, damn! Why d'you have to be like that about everything?

[You just hate me, he almost continues, but bites back with a grimace.]

[ This, he didn't expect. He turns to look at Leon, expression faintly confused. ]

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying I didn't ask you that to screw with you! So why'd you act like I was setting you up or something?

[Now he's confused. They're fighting, right? Are they fighting? Is he being made fun of? Is Togami looking down on him? (Is the sky blue?)]

You just—you've just always gotta make it like this.

I didn't think that you did anything intentionally. In fact, I assumed you were completely unaware of the way you act about this, and thus I was attempting to point it out to you.

[ Kind of like how right now Leon is pointing out how Togami acts, which Togami didn't realize might be taken the wrong way, either?

But right now, he's making a genuine attempt to be civil and get his perspective across. Rather than seeming argumentative, he's acting far more docile than usual. ]

. . . So how do I act about it?

[It's admittedly hard to be snippy in response to someone being docile and logical. And at least Togami knows he wasn't trying to get at him. Leon deflates some, moving his hand to pinch idly at the leather of the couch between their legs.]

[ Don't say "annoyingly"...

It's admittedly uncomfortable for Togami to seriously think about this, too. Leon making all these jokes and assumptions is irritating in part because he doesn't want to have to think about it in detail. ]

...You keep making broad generalizations across arbitrary categories of people. For someone who is styling himself as a sexual enthusiast, you have a very narrow perspective of sexuality. It's a common trait among the masses, who are marketed a particular kind of sexual dynamic, but it is nevertheless aggravating to try and have a discussion with someone who consumes mass media uncritically, and states opinion as fact.

[ Huh. He didn't really want to have this discussion, but that was more detailed than he expected himself to come up with. Even though he had a subconscious understanding of all this, he might never have tried to put it into words before. It's not really considerate of Leon's feelings, but it's considerate of his own feelings... ]

[It was maybe a little too detailed. Well, no, but it's a lot to take in, and it's phrased the way Togami always phrases things, which is 50% "hard words" and 50% "alien worldviews." But he gets it, enough. He gets it well enough to condense it down to "nuh uh not ME though" which is . . . probably close enough to what it is.

He puts his feet on the coffee table and stares at his untouched cup, crossing his arms over his chest. But he's calm in answering, and legitimately thoughtful.]

. . . Y'know it's not like you ever actually say anything about yourself anyway, right? What else am I supposed to do? You just make everything negative all the time—you only talk about what you don't like! At least I know what I like, so I can talk about that. It's kinda hard to know what you like when as far as I know you don't like anything. Even if I flat-out ask if you're gay or whatever, you didn't even answer that.

...Hmph.

[ He doesn't really want to think about these accusations, either. But in the interest of making an effort, he considers it anyway. He doesn't know what to think about "making everything negative"—he's only telling the truth, isn't he? But there is a point to be made about his level of openness.

Is there any problem with indulging the question? He can't think of any off the top of his head that aren't related to stubbornness or pride, so he decides to go ahead. ]

I find such labels irrelevant. If I choose to pursue someone or accept someone else's advances, their gender is not a factor. I do not know how you expect me to be enthusiastic about a lack of preference, particularly when I have no interest in the vast majority of people.

[ He made it negative again anyway... but it was by just telling the truth again!! ]

. . . You really are like a black hole of negativity.

[This time, though, he says it fondly. Yeah, he did make it negative again, but he answered the question; just making the attempt is better than spouting off some derailing criticism, see? Leon reaches over and pushes lightly at his arm, more playful—though tentatively.]

I never said you had to be enthusiastic about it. I guess that pretty much matches you anyway, huh? You're so above everyone! I can't even really imagine you getting into it—

[Oops, that's a lie. He sure can. He has before. Look, that stuff that happened with the vines . . . that wasn't his fault, and neither was anything that came after that. Any thoughts, any questions—

He could just leave it at that. He could let that sentence drop there and there's a good chance Togami would drop it there too.]

. . . Heh, maybe I can a liiiittle . . .

[But instead he goes and does that. Maybe because he's weirdly relaxed this week, or maybe because of the awkward mood hanging over them. Or maybe he's just not thinking. He doesn't know.]

[ Togami glares over at Leon; it's a reflexive counterpart to his cheeks heating up just slightly in embarrassment. Ugh. Of all the people he had to say that to, it had to be the one who—through VERY EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES!—was a witness to him engaging in something sexually charged, and even a participant in it. Nnnng.

Again, he has to gently remind himself that it's not actually that dire of a secret that he might actually enjoy the company of other people, ever. He has to relax. Besides, if he gets too worked up and avoidant of any further contact or intimacy with Leon, then how can he move forward with the whole reason he came here in the first place? ]

You can keep your imagination to yourself. Perhaps I am so reticent to put myself in a sexual context because everything I say is instantly blown out of proportion. [ Which is pretty true. Fukawa alone is a terrifying force of wild speculation, and she's hardly the only person who ever had a sexual interest in him. But, wait— ] Why do you care?

[Eugh. That entire thing is like a cold shower followed by holding a torch to Leon's cheeks. He literally feels icy and overheated at the same time with embarrassment and—whatever else that is. It's upsetting, that's what it is, and he doesn't know or want to think about why. What had he expected, anyway? Anything other than that? Stupid.

And then being called out for it, whatever it is?!

He shrinks back a little across the couch, arms tightening over his chest and cheeks red. The rest of his expression isn't nearly so pleasantly flushed.]

Just—forget it, I wasn't trying to blow anything out of proportion! Or imagining you, or whatever you think I was doing! And I don't care! I just—said something, god! I just said it 'cuz it was true! So I was teasing you a little, so what?

[He should shut up, but once the ball's rolling, it's hard to stop; he's embarrassed and can't think of anything to do but fill the silence with whatever pops into his head first.]

—You're the one who's missing out anyway, man. I'd kill to be put in a sexual context right now, or blown out of proportion!

[ANY KIND OF BLOWN WOULD BE NICE.]

You just hold everything back . . . you could probably stand to get laid, let yourself go for once! When's the last time you even did that? Don't you ever wish you could?

[ You'd like to be blown out of proportion? he almost asks. Even if I say you're clearly 100% homosexual and incredibly repressed, you're not going to argue with that one—?

That wouldn't be productive at all to say, though. He bites his tongue on that one.

Well why do you think I'm holding things back, when every time I share my thoughts, you throw a tantrum? Aren't you just assuming that I'm hiding something that you actually want to hear, somewhere?

But he can't see the point of that either, and it seems a little too whiny for his tastes. Especially after the complaining about being objectified, which was whiny enough for a few weeks. Wow, he's managing to avert two incendiary arguments, though? This is clearly an otherworldly level of self-control.

Even though that does mean it's a long pause before he finally comes out with something. ] ...There is nothing stopping me. Is there anything stopping you?

[In that long pause, Leon—

It's not accurate to say he begins to feel bad, because he already did. He'd been trying to tease and spouting off without thinking, and Togami hadn't taken it well, and he's both embarrassed and guilty over that. And it doesn't take an SHSL Elite to see that Togami's biting his tongue on some choice remarks; it just makes that hot-cold feeling inside of him worse. Like drinking a bottle of hot sauce and then chasing it with an ice cube swallowed whole. Gross.

And why?

He answers Togami, but his mind is on all of that, and it sounds as distracted as his mind feels:]

I . . . it's not like I'm not trying, just, haven't found a girl yet who's up for it, they're all taken or whatever . . .

[Not all of them, but plenty of them had been. Athena, Hinata. Inaba is, though that went sour anyway.

He trails off, and then comes out with what's really on his mind.]

—I was just messing with you, y'know, I was just teasing 'cuz I wanted to see if I could get you to blush some . . .

Sorry.

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