As for my question, when you decide to have sex with someone, what is more important: to feel comfortable and to respect each other, or merely to leave it to the more experienced party and to allow them to do as they will? I have always thought it was most important that everyone is happy. But I am not happy that he does not always listen and that whenever I ask him for something, he says that I am wrong and that the books I read are wrong. But I do not think he has read those books, he only does not like being told what to do. I did promise him that if he would go and be tested for sexually transmitted diseases that we could have sex and I do not want to break a promise but at the same time I am not entirely comfortable with him like that.
[In summary: Angelo propositioned her and her maids never taught her how to deal with this. Please help her, Leon, you are her only hope besides Kaoru.]
Hey, sorry, that was just like . . . I probably should've taken notes on your text, know what I mean? I'm not gonna type all that out! This is serious . . .
[He sighs. Sure, he's fooled around plenty, but he's not exactly equipped for—this. And he's tense, worried about whatever's going on with Veronica. This is a girl whose hobby is apologizing to people for them being dicks to her. He doesn't want her to get taken advantage of by some psycho creep . . .
So he has to try.]
Okay, okay, first of all, what exactly did this dude say you and the books were wrong about again?
[Because she actually might be. Maybe she read some weird romance novel that told her dicks glow blue, he doesn't know. Or maybe this guy's trying to play her.]
[At least he's taking this seriously and she's happy for the moment that she went to the right person for advice (the second one she asked was Kaoru because the one she had known before had always taken her seriously too).]
He said that condoms were not necessary because he never used them and was told that it was impossible for us to catch diseases. I disagreed because that is not the only thing condoms prevent. He has said that he would try them again, but I do not think that he is happy about it and though I do want to trust in his promise this time, I also do not want to make a promise that I cannot keep once again.
[Because the last time he'd said that he would be willing to try them, he gave up after the first wouldn't fit and she hasn't forgotten that.]
They probably don't have the pill or anything in your world, huh . . .
[She seems pretty old-fashioned. In the "from the past" way, like William is. Leon doesn't know anything about history, or other worlds or anything like that, but he's at least all about the wild guesses.
And he'd suspected it might be something like this.]
Anyway, I dunno how getting pregnant works here since we're code and all, and I figure that's what you mean, right? You definitely gotta use a condom! I know they suck, but even I know that much! Maybe if you got like, a guarantee from Mosley or something, that'd be different, but whatever . . . don't listen to a guy who won't do it! Like, come on, if a guy's got the choice between sex with a condom or no sex at all, who would pick no sex at all? Even if it's not as good as without, it's still awesome!
. . . Probably. Ah, I never actually . . . I mean I have, buuut not past third base, so . . . anyway, I know what I'm talkin' about!
They did not, to my knowledge. [Not that she really did a lot of research on this back in Zerestria.]
But thank you, Leon. I am glad that I came to you for advice. I never knew it is apparently better without a condom but at the same time, I do not think this is a compromise I am willing to make either. I will talk to him and if it is still not to his liking, then I suppose there is nothing I can do about it.
I know they can be too tight but I have thought of fit and bought a variety for him but he was not appeased then either. [She doesn't sigh even though she very much wants to.]
I have always thought that, at the very least, sex should be something that both parties agree on and there should never be one party who cedes to the other more despite not wanting to. That should not be what it is like, is that not so?
[He bursts out—it's not that he's upset with her, it's just jarring and really uncomfortable to hear it phrased that way. There's something about Veronica's bluntness and typical-for-her questioning nature that is making some points about consent here that Leon hadn't really thought of in depth before. Sex should be something both parties agree on. What the hell? That's so obvious that it's sickening to hear . . . and yet it's not something he ever bothered to actually "think" about.
Ouch.
He's uncomfortable enough being faced with that that his voice comes out harsh, even if it's not directed at her, and he has to sigh and shove that off somewhere so he can actually have this conversation.]
Don't even say stuff like that, Veronica . . . that's screwed up. Don't let some asshole tell you you don't gotta agree to it or something, no matter how monster huge his dick is! If some guy tries to give you trouble I'll kick his ass for you!
[It's obvious to her from his voice that something must be wrong though she doesn't know what it is, only that it probably isn't her doing if his words were any indication.]
I will be certain not to let him tell me. And I do not know if he is considered "monster huge", actually. I have not seen very many.
[Only the one.]
But thank you. For listening to me, for taking me seriously and for your offer. ...And is something wrong, Leon?
[Because he had helped her and she wanted to help him in return, if possible.]
[He'd normally make a half-joking offer to show her his right now, some kind of casual way of expressing his own interest, but even he feels weird about that considering the context. Sigh.]
It ain't like that . . . nothing's wrong. It's cool! Just kinda messed up to hear some guy's been messing you around like that. Why'd you even tell him you'd sleep with him in the first place? You really like him?
I do not dislike him. [Which she realizes now isn't the same thing as liking him romantically.]
We met at the library a while ago and he asked me if I wished to have sex with him, and at the time I had not thought much of it and did not mind. I did not think it very important. But then when I asked him if we were going to use condoms, he said that he had plenty of sex without ever using it once. I told him that I worried there would be the possibility of him having caught a disease by doing so and offended him. So I promised him that if he would only go to the clinic and be tested, ensuring his own health and safety, that I would have sex with him. I wished to come to a compromise, but I have increasingly found that there are things for which one should never compromise.
There is good in him. I still believe that. But at the same time, I am not certain I am entirely comfortable enough with the thought of us having sex. He has made promises to me before only to tell me that he only did so under duress. I have always thought that if he did not want to make such promises that he does not have to. I do not wish to force him to comply just as I do not wish for him to force me or to try and coerce me to comply with what he wants.
[That's a long, long reply from her for what should be a simple question but it's less of her talking and more of her thinking out loud. Because she knows he's listening and so she isn't worried about hiding what she wants to say or about possibly troubling him or having him tell her that she talks too much.]
[He does listen to all of it, one part worried and one part incredulous, and he keeps his mouth shut for the whole thing too, even if the end is a little complicated . . .
Then he sighs. Wow. Yikes.]
Damn . . . look, I'm just gonna tell you now, any guy who'd be into that kind of totally lukewarm reaction is bad news all the way down, got it? That's a complete red flag! Like, it's obvious why any guy would want to have sex with you. You're gorgeous! I'm just saying, I'd definitely be up for it myself! I've thought about it before! Kinda hard not to when you look like a supermodel-slash-princess, y'know? But if I came on to you and your reaction was all like—"Sure, I guess I don't mind, it's not very important"? That's a huge boner-kill for any normal dude! Any guy who'd be like "Yeah, that sounds great!" is a creep. Especially if he's all weird about it after and trying to pressure you!
I see. He is the first who has ever asked me so I was not aware that my enthusiasm would be something that others wanted at the time. I had not thought much about it. [A fact that is coming back to haunt her with a vengeance.]
But if it is something so reciprocal, that does make sense. It is like talking to someone else, is it not? You do not wish to speak to those who would not listen. [...is he coming on to her now? She's not actually sure. He said "if" he came on to her, right? That meant that he was just telling her he'd thought of it?? This is confusing so she goes with what she understands first:]
I...am a princess, actually. I am the first princess of Zerestria. [But she doesn't introduce herself as such because it sounds exactly like introducing herself as Human Girl Veronica. Being princess was so much a part of who she was that she never felt a need to tell other people.] So the urge to have sex with someone stems from their physical appearance? And were you not coming on to me by telling me that you have thought of having sex with me before? I do not understand.
[He opens his mouth to be surprised about the princess thing, but then she asks the questions, and those can come first; being starstruck (or at least a little awed) can wait for a minute. Especially with questions like this.]
I'm not gonna come onto you right now, that'd be totally creepy! "Hey, take care of yourself around creepers, don't screw that other guy, wanna come over and sleep with me?" No way! I was just tellin' you the truth! Just 'cuz I think you're hot doesn't mean I'm down for it right this second . . . and that'd be really suspicious timing! Especially when you're talking like you've never even wanted sex before anyway.
[Because she'd also asked where the urge comes from. Presumably she's never had it. Leon's got some wrongheaded ideas about female vs male libido, but he's still a little surprised by that.]
It's, uh—it's not like it's 100% appearance that makes you want someone . . .
[It's not like he was totally ignorant of that before, of course, but it's a little uncomfortably close to home for him right now in particular, so he goes a tiny bit more awkward and stumbles through this explanation more than the others.]
I mean, yeah, sometimes you look at someone and they're totally your type, and you know you'd want that 'cuz they're just that hot to you! But—there's other stuff too! I dunno, sometimes . . . stuff just happens? You get in situations with someone or you've got some kinda chemistry or something and even though they're definitely not your "type," it just kinda happens without you wanting it to . . .
I was never aware that people had sex before I read about it in a biology textbook. [They did a really good job sheltering her away in her castle, making sure she had little to no access to information. It didn't help that her maids had assured her that her future husband would be the one to take care of everything. She doesn't resent them for it and would never be able to ask them anymore what their reasoning had been for keeping it from her, but it's frustrating not to know.] I apologize for assuming and thank you for explaining it to me.
[It doesn't help that Angelo always seems to be raring to go and she's using him as a reference point.]
So it is also like falling in love, then. [Another thing that she had difficulty understanding.] Roxas told me once that it isn't just one thing sometimes, but many things that piled one on top of the other and before you knew it, even if you may not exactly have wanted to, that person will be in your thoughts. They will be special to you. Is it like that?
[Oh shit, way to ramp up the awkwardness he was already feeling; before he can even think about what she's actually saying, he lifts his hands nervously, face going pale while his cheeks go pink, and blurts out:]
No, noooo no no, it ain't like that!
[Because the last thing he wants to think about is "falling in love" with anyone he might be having intrusive sexual thoughts about recently.
But of course that wasn't actually what she meant.
He realizes that once he's had half a second to get over his hasty reaction, and lifts his hands to fix his hair instead, laughing nervously. Oops. Right, that was . . . a metaphor? Or something? What's it called again when people are just comparing two things without actually saying they're the same thing?]
I-I mean . . . wait, you're just saying they're both kinda . . . like that, right? Yeah, yeah, I get what you mean, ha ha . . . yeah, uh, I never thought about it like that before, but I guess that's on the mark. Sometimes it just builds up until suddenly you're stuck with it!
[Heh. Okay. Right. Nice save. Totally. He clears his throat:]
You seriously never got any sex ed or anything at all? Is that a princess thing or what? So you're a real princess . . .
[His initial reaction tells her that there definitely is something like that. But then he says that it isn't and she's caught between trusting him and quietly, calmly interrogating him.
In the end, she chooses to let it slide (for now) and asking him about what he means at a later date.]
Yes. What I meant was that they are very alike and no, I did not receive any sex ed. I was told when I learned of my engagement that all I needed to do was rely on my husband. That there was no need for me to know.
[Though she obviously disagrees.]
I do not think it is a princess thing. I have met others before and I feel as if they know much more than I do.
Other princesses? So you were just real sheltered . . .
[Man. Well, he'd already gotten that impression off her anyway, just not about sex specifically. This level of that is something, though.
Wait.]
—You were engaged? So one of those arranged things? And you were just supposed to let this dude you'd never met get married to you and do whatever he wanted in bed? Damn . . . see, this is why all that waiting for marriage crap is stupid! You oughta be allowed to have your fun first, right? Figure out if this is really the guy you wanna screw for the whole rest of your life!
I have met him. He came to stay with me at the castle. [Though she hadn't liked him a lot on their first meeting. He smiled at her like he didn't even see her, like what she thought didn't matter. So she had barged into his room that same night and made him talk maps to her until he showed her that he was actually very short-tempered and stone-faced which was infinitely more interesting to her than the perfect prince he had been pretending to be.]
At the time, I had not thought it unfair. Though it had not really been about whether or not Eugene was someone that I wanted to "screw for the rest of my life". [She chuckles just a little bit to herself as she says it, her tone quietly growing soft and determined:]
I had wanted to be of use and to protect Zerestria. Our marriage would have created an alliance between our countries and I had thought that was the only option if I wished to stop the wars at our borders. [People died in those and the thought that she could save just one person...that would have been enough. That's why she learns so voraciously, reads so much and almost lived at the library sometimes, searching for just one more practical thing she could learn, one more bit of knowledge that she could make her own and use in helping to save lives.]
It was a choice I would have been willing to make. But you know, Leon...I have learned there are so many other ways. Intimidation, superior technology, tactics, diplomacy. If I could only keep that knowledge, I would not marry him now. I would ask him to help me instead.
All of that is pretty whoa, in fact. Being a princess sounds like it sucks, when she puts it like that. It's not a thing he's ever thought about, but it's easy to write the royalty life off as being some kind of luxurious, rich dream world where you get to do whatever you want and get a lot of attention from your adoring people . . .
But maybe not. He frowns listening to her explain it, unexpectedly feeling kinda bad for her for being a princess.]
That's all . . . damn. I didn't know it was like that! I mean, it sounds so cool, being a princess! Like, easy street!
I am not married to him. Our ceremony had not even taken place by the time I was taken from Rainesburg and sent to Holly Heights. And then I was sent here.
[And her world was apparently gone??]
I do not know what it is like for other princesses and perhaps I am over-complicating things. I have been told before by Eugene that it would have been much better for me if only I were a fool.
[But she doesn't intend to be some kind of ornamental princess.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(7/4) Text; because she's put this off for a while already...
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Yeah whats up? You ok
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As for my question, when you decide to have sex with someone, what is more important: to feel comfortable and to respect each other, or merely to leave it to the more experienced party and to allow them to do as they will? I have always thought it was most important that everyone is happy. But I am not happy that he does not always listen and that whenever I ask him for something, he says that I am wrong and that the books I read are wrong. But I do not think he has read those books, he only does not like being told what to do. I did promise him that if he would go and be tested for sexually transmitted diseases that we could have sex and I do not want to break a promise but at the same time I am not entirely comfortable with him like that.
[In summary: Angelo propositioned her and her maids never taught her how to deal with this. Please help her, Leon, you are her only hope besides Kaoru.]
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ONE SEC
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Hello, Leon.
[Someone sure sounds calm about all this...]
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[He sighs. Sure, he's fooled around plenty, but he's not exactly equipped for—this. And he's tense, worried about whatever's going on with Veronica. This is a girl whose hobby is apologizing to people for them being dicks to her. He doesn't want her to get taken advantage of by some psycho creep . . .
So he has to try.]
Okay, okay, first of all, what exactly did this dude say you and the books were wrong about again?
[Because she actually might be. Maybe she read some weird romance novel that told her dicks glow blue, he doesn't know. Or maybe this guy's trying to play her.]
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He said that condoms were not necessary because he never used them and was told that it was impossible for us to catch diseases. I disagreed because that is not the only thing condoms prevent. He has said that he would try them again, but I do not think that he is happy about it and though I do want to trust in his promise this time, I also do not want to make a promise that I cannot keep once again.
[Because the last time he'd said that he would be willing to try them, he gave up after the first wouldn't fit and she hasn't forgotten that.]
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[She seems pretty old-fashioned. In the "from the past" way, like William is. Leon doesn't know anything about history, or other worlds or anything like that, but he's at least all about the wild guesses.
And he'd suspected it might be something like this.]
Anyway, I dunno how getting pregnant works here since we're code and all, and I figure that's what you mean, right? You definitely gotta use a condom! I know they suck, but even I know that much! Maybe if you got like, a guarantee from Mosley or something, that'd be different, but whatever . . . don't listen to a guy who won't do it! Like, come on, if a guy's got the choice between sex with a condom or no sex at all, who would pick no sex at all? Even if it's not as good as without, it's still awesome!
. . . Probably. Ah, I never actually . . . I mean I have, buuut not past third base, so . . . anyway, I know what I'm talkin' about!
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But thank you, Leon. I am glad that I came to you for advice. I never knew it is apparently better without a condom but at the same time, I do not think this is a compromise I am willing to make either. I will talk to him and if it is still not to his liking, then I suppose there is nothing I can do about it.
I know they can be too tight but I have thought of fit and bought a variety for him but he was not appeased then either. [She doesn't sigh even though she very much wants to.]
I have always thought that, at the very least, sex should be something that both parties agree on and there should never be one party who cedes to the other more despite not wanting to. That should not be what it is like, is that not so?
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[He bursts out—it's not that he's upset with her, it's just jarring and really uncomfortable to hear it phrased that way. There's something about Veronica's bluntness and typical-for-her questioning nature that is making some points about consent here that Leon hadn't really thought of in depth before. Sex should be something both parties agree on. What the hell? That's so obvious that it's sickening to hear . . . and yet it's not something he ever bothered to actually "think" about.
Ouch.
He's uncomfortable enough being faced with that that his voice comes out harsh, even if it's not directed at her, and he has to sigh and shove that off somewhere so he can actually have this conversation.]
Don't even say stuff like that, Veronica . . . that's screwed up. Don't let some asshole tell you you don't gotta agree to it or something, no matter how monster huge his dick is! If some guy tries to give you trouble I'll kick his ass for you!
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I will be certain not to let him tell me. And I do not know if he is considered "monster huge", actually. I have not seen very many.
[Only the one.]
But thank you. For listening to me, for taking me seriously and for your offer. ...And is something wrong, Leon?
[Because he had helped her and she wanted to help him in return, if possible.]
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It ain't like that . . . nothing's wrong. It's cool! Just kinda messed up to hear some guy's been messing you around like that. Why'd you even tell him you'd sleep with him in the first place? You really like him?
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I do not dislike him. [Which she realizes now isn't the same thing as liking him romantically.]
We met at the library a while ago and he asked me if I wished to have sex with him, and at the time I had not thought much of it and did not mind. I did not think it very important. But then when I asked him if we were going to use condoms, he said that he had plenty of sex without ever using it once. I told him that I worried there would be the possibility of him having caught a disease by doing so and offended him. So I promised him that if he would only go to the clinic and be tested, ensuring his own health and safety, that I would have sex with him. I wished to come to a compromise, but I have increasingly found that there are things for which one should never compromise.
There is good in him. I still believe that. But at the same time, I am not certain I am entirely comfortable enough with the thought of us having sex. He has made promises to me before only to tell me that he only did so under duress. I have always thought that if he did not want to make such promises that he does not have to. I do not wish to force him to comply just as I do not wish for him to force me or to try and coerce me to comply with what he wants.
[That's a long, long reply from her for what should be a simple question but it's less of her talking and more of her thinking out loud. Because she knows he's listening and so she isn't worried about hiding what she wants to say or about possibly troubling him or having him tell her that she talks too much.]
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Then he sighs. Wow. Yikes.]
Damn . . . look, I'm just gonna tell you now, any guy who'd be into that kind of totally lukewarm reaction is bad news all the way down, got it? That's a complete red flag! Like, it's obvious why any guy would want to have sex with you. You're gorgeous! I'm just saying, I'd definitely be up for it myself! I've thought about it before! Kinda hard not to when you look like a supermodel-slash-princess, y'know? But if I came on to you and your reaction was all like—"Sure, I guess I don't mind, it's not very important"? That's a huge boner-kill for any normal dude! Any guy who'd be like "Yeah, that sounds great!" is a creep. Especially if he's all weird about it after and trying to pressure you!
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But if it is something so reciprocal, that does make sense. It is like talking to someone else, is it not? You do not wish to speak to those who would not listen. [...is he coming on to her now? She's not actually sure. He said "if" he came on to her, right? That meant that he was just telling her he'd thought of it?? This is confusing so she goes with what she understands first:]
I...am a princess, actually. I am the first princess of Zerestria. [But she doesn't introduce herself as such because it sounds exactly like introducing herself as Human Girl Veronica. Being princess was so much a part of who she was that she never felt a need to tell other people.] So the urge to have sex with someone stems from their physical appearance? And were you not coming on to me by telling me that you have thought of having sex with me before? I do not understand.
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I'm not gonna come onto you right now, that'd be totally creepy! "Hey, take care of yourself around creepers, don't screw that other guy, wanna come over and sleep with me?" No way! I was just tellin' you the truth! Just 'cuz I think you're hot doesn't mean I'm down for it right this second . . . and that'd be really suspicious timing! Especially when you're talking like you've never even wanted sex before anyway.
[Because she'd also asked where the urge comes from. Presumably she's never had it. Leon's got some wrongheaded ideas about female vs male libido, but he's still a little surprised by that.]
It's, uh—it's not like it's 100% appearance that makes you want someone . . .
[It's not like he was totally ignorant of that before, of course, but it's a little uncomfortably close to home for him right now in particular, so he goes a tiny bit more awkward and stumbles through this explanation more than the others.]
I mean, yeah, sometimes you look at someone and they're totally your type, and you know you'd want that 'cuz they're just that hot to you! But—there's other stuff too! I dunno, sometimes . . . stuff just happens? You get in situations with someone or you've got some kinda chemistry or something and even though they're definitely not your "type," it just kinda happens without you wanting it to . . .
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[It doesn't help that Angelo always seems to be raring to go and she's using him as a reference point.]
So it is also like falling in love, then. [Another thing that she had difficulty understanding.] Roxas told me once that it isn't just one thing sometimes, but many things that piled one on top of the other and before you knew it, even if you may not exactly have wanted to, that person will be in your thoughts. They will be special to you. Is it like that?
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No, noooo no no, it ain't like that!
[Because the last thing he wants to think about is "falling in love" with anyone he might be having intrusive sexual thoughts about recently.
But of course that wasn't actually what she meant.
He realizes that once he's had half a second to get over his hasty reaction, and lifts his hands to fix his hair instead, laughing nervously. Oops. Right, that was . . . a metaphor? Or something? What's it called again when people are just comparing two things without actually saying they're the same thing?]
I-I mean . . . wait, you're just saying they're both kinda . . . like that, right? Yeah, yeah, I get what you mean, ha ha . . . yeah, uh, I never thought about it like that before, but I guess that's on the mark. Sometimes it just builds up until suddenly you're stuck with it!
[Heh. Okay. Right. Nice save. Totally. He clears his throat:]
You seriously never got any sex ed or anything at all? Is that a princess thing or what? So you're a real princess . . .
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In the end, she chooses to let it slide (for now) and asking him about what he means at a later date.]
Yes. What I meant was that they are very alike and no, I did not receive any sex ed. I was told when I learned of my engagement that all I needed to do was rely on my husband. That there was no need for me to know.
[Though she obviously disagrees.]
I do not think it is a princess thing. I have met others before and I feel as if they know much more than I do.
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[Man. Well, he'd already gotten that impression off her anyway, just not about sex specifically. This level of that is something, though.
Wait.]
—You were engaged? So one of those arranged things? And you were just supposed to let this dude you'd never met get married to you and do whatever he wanted in bed? Damn . . . see, this is why all that waiting for marriage crap is stupid! You oughta be allowed to have your fun first, right? Figure out if this is really the guy you wanna screw for the whole rest of your life!
[Eugh. Monogamy.]
That's totally unfair to you.
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At the time, I had not thought it unfair. Though it had not really been about whether or not Eugene was someone that I wanted to "screw for the rest of my life". [She chuckles just a little bit to herself as she says it, her tone quietly growing soft and determined:]
I had wanted to be of use and to protect Zerestria. Our marriage would have created an alliance between our countries and I had thought that was the only option if I wished to stop the wars at our borders. [People died in those and the thought that she could save just one person...that would have been enough. That's why she learns so voraciously, reads so much and almost lived at the library sometimes, searching for just one more practical thing she could learn, one more bit of knowledge that she could make her own and use in helping to save lives.]
It was a choice I would have been willing to make. But you know, Leon...I have learned there are so many other ways. Intimidation, superior technology, tactics, diplomacy. If I could only keep that knowledge, I would not marry him now. I would ask him to help me instead.
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[Whoa.
All of that is pretty whoa, in fact. Being a princess sounds like it sucks, when she puts it like that. It's not a thing he's ever thought about, but it's easy to write the royalty life off as being some kind of luxurious, rich dream world where you get to do whatever you want and get a lot of attention from your adoring people . . .
But maybe not. He frowns listening to her explain it, unexpectedly feeling kinda bad for her for being a princess.]
That's all . . . damn. I didn't know it was like that! I mean, it sounds so cool, being a princess! Like, easy street!
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[And her world was apparently gone??]
I do not know what it is like for other princesses and perhaps I am over-complicating things. I have been told before by Eugene that it would have been much better for me if only I were a fool.
[But she doesn't intend to be some kind of ornamental princess.]
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[Shortly. Man. Poor Veronica knows a lot of dickheads; maybe nice girls like her attract them, which is very unfortunate.]
. . . What's Holly Heights?
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