[She catches that, giving him a small, playful look before rolling her eyes.] Nice try.
[But she doesn't seem to mind. She tilts her head, humming to herself and surprised at how hungry she is herself. She knows that Yu's told her to take it slow since they were just out there starving, and she trusts Leon to know his limits so she doesn't even stop him. They are small portions, evidenced by the salad and doughnut she orders with her coffee. She's not even really paying attention as she hands over her debit card to pay for the whole thing either.]
If you ordered everything now though, what would be the point of coming back another day? [A hint at possibly more coffee dates in the future? Maybe.] I'm sure they'd totally appreciate your patronage though.
[At first it doesn't register that she just paid for them; he's distracted talking to her, and then he's just waiting for the cashier to ask him for his card too, lingering with her by the counter.]
Yeah, 'til I made myself sick, right? They probably wouldn't appreciate that! Sooo I'll just have to come back, like you said . . . you offering me company?
Definitely, definitely wouldn't appreciate that. [The cashier hands her card back and Rise lifts a shoulder in response as she slips it back into her wallet and into her purse.]
Yes, and yes. [Is it really that strange? Probably. But instead of calling it on being strange, she simply replies.] You can pick up the tab the next time we go out. How about that?
Okay, so maybe this isn't actually a date-date, and maybe also it's just beginning and he can't know if it'll go well, so cheering for a second one might be kinda premature. Still nice to hear.
He turns to find an empty table for them while they wait for their food, all smiles.]
So I should be scouting out new places, huh? I can do that! That's the kinda homework I can get behind.
[Maybe this isn't an actual date-date, but it doesn't make this any less enjoyable for her. She looks over his shoulder to scout for a table as they wait for their food, grinning to herself.]
I can't come up with all of the ideas, can I? What kind of places would you want to go?
[There's a free table near the middle, so he makes his way over to that one and takes a seat, leaning his elbows on the table. All of his heaviness from earlier feels like it's lifted right off of him, at least for the moment.]
It's all about the company, right? I'll try anything once! Maybe not anything . . . if you tried to drag me to the library, I might get a little put out, ha ha! But mostly I just wanna explore. It's like, I've been here a while now, and I still feel like I've only seen ten percent of this place.
[He drums thoughtfully on the table.]
Honestly . . . at first, it's not like I really liked the idea of getting used to it here.
[She speaks briefly with an attendant to gesture to the table where they can bring the food before following, gracefully dropping down into a chair and letting her purse drop to the floor.]
Libraries aren't bad, but they're not really where you go when you want to spend time with people. You can't really talk in libraries, you know? Exploring doesn't sound like a bad idea. It feels like people are discovering new shops and stuff all the time.
[She can understand that though.] Getting used to being here sometimes almost sounds like giving up, huh? But I don't think that's really true.
That's it exactly! I don't wanna stop caring I'm here. That just sounds dangerous. Like letting CERES win, right? But caring every second's so exhausting!
[He props his chin up on his hand on the table, relaxed despite the topic. The truth is, he's mostly managed to avoid falling down a pit of paranoia; somewhere in the back of his head, he knows CERES is monitoring even this conversation, and maybe he ought to be worried about that. But he just can't be. He'd go crazy, rip his implants out and die or something. It's not worth the thought.]
There's gotta be a balance! . . . I'm workin' on it. So, how is it you think of it?
[Please don't rip out your implants and die Leon, that would put a damper on this growing friendship. Still, Rise doesn't look too perturbed by the topic and even offers a smile of encouragement when Leon says he's working on it. It's something.]
It is! It really is, and if we care too much about that I feel like we might miss something else even more important. I think it's more like...you know how you can learn how to ride a bike and it takes you a little while to get used to it? But once you know how to do it that knowledge becomes second-nature and you instinctively know what to do? Being here is kind of like that. We're learning and we get used to it, but when bad things happen instinct kicks in so we don't get in so much trouble.
Huh . . . I never thought of it like that before . . .
[It takes him a moment to get, too. But he thinks it through, chewing a little on his lip (and its piercing), and it makes sense:]
You mean, it's not so much like "I'm totally fine with being treated like shit now by this place and its creepy overlords," but more like "I figured out last time how to deal with this crap so I'm not gonna lose this time either." Yeah, that's better. That feels way better than "getting used to it." —When you put it like that, the more they test us, the better we're gonna get at outsmarting them, huh? I hope they've got that in mind! . . . Actually, I don't! Let 'em not even think about that, for all I care!
[How distracting. It's not that the piercing's a bad thing seeing how he's not the first boy she knows to have them, but a lip piercing...it's different. (And kind of weirdly attractive if she's honest, but that's not important right now.) She can tell it's going through his head and she's patiently waiting for him to continue.]
Right. Just like that! Even when things seem completely hopeless we'll be able to get out of it because we'll know that we can beat them since we've done it all before. [She suddenly slams a hand on the table, excitement mounting as she allows her thoughts to carry on.] They've got other things to worry about, they won't even know what we're learning! [They will if these two keep talking about it where the implants can pick it up, but that's fine. A waitress soon comes by with a tray of their food and drinks which is enough for Rise to stop hitting tables. There's a polite "thank you" to their server before she continues.]
As long as we keep it in mind, that's all that matters.
[That . . . was pretty cute. He watches her seamless transition from pounding tables to politely thanking servers with some amusement—and he knows how she feels, too. There are times he can feel the hand of Despair heavy on his shoulders, but then there are times like this where he can tell he's finally starting to feel like everything might work out.
He watches the server leave and then turns back to her, his amusement still written all over his face.]
That was pretty smooth, Kujikawa . . .
But I feel you! A hundred percent! I mean—back in that freaky place, I felt like, like, I don't even remember anymore, and it wasn't just me, right? But we're all back now . . . we can bounce back from all that crap without just forgetting it ever happened!
—Even if part of me totally wants to forget it ever happened.
[She giggles instead of answering at first, moving to take a sip of her drink before she can continue.]
Inoue-san says my acting's improved a lot since my break. But anyway...I think a lot of us felt like that. That place was creepy and it was probably meant to make us feel dark and afraid. But up here I'm not afraid because I know we're all going to be together. [She gives him a pointed look then.] Is the part of you that wants to forget it bigger than the part that wants to hold onto what came out of that place?
[He's smiling along, and then she asks something heavy like that; it takes a second to sink in, and his expression fades from jolly to—a little bit taken aback. That's a serious question, enough so that it feels like it came out of nowhere, even though of course it didn't, it's directly related . . .
It's just not the kind of thing he's in the habit of dwelling on much.
He glances down at/through the drink in her hand, one hand lifting to rub his fingers compulsively over the back of his neck, like he could chase away his own sudden spike of tension. It doesn't work very well. (Really, he doesn't even notice he's doing anything that might "work" or not, or that he needs it.)]
Uh . . . wow, that was kinda . . . Kujikawa, you don't beat around the bush, huh?
[He's stalling a little, and that he knows. But after another moment, he continues, haltingly.]
—No—I dunno. No? Maybe if stuff was different! . . . I really figured no one would want anything to do with me anymore after all that crap. If it was like that, of course I'd wanna forget all about it. Or maybe I'd want you to forget all about it? Or both. I guess when you ask it like that, "what came out of that place" would wreck everything, so of course I'd wanna forget it. But in the real world, it didn't . . . you contacted me and everything. I'm real glad about that, Kujikawa . . . so, y'know, I wouldn't give that up just so I could forget. I'd rather have this than that never happening . . .
Unless you think you'd like me better if it didn't.
[He laughs. Weakly, but there you go; it's something.]
[She actually feels bad by that reaction. Rise's usually fairly unapologetic with her words but this is different and she's about to say "sorry" when Leon continues. She puts down her coffee to give him her full attention, to prove to him that she's taking what he says into consideration and it's important.
And...she understands. She felt the same way with people who saw her Shadow, that it would make people think she was a fake.]
When my friends first saw my Shadow, I didn't want them to see her. I didn't want them to really know what she represented and see that really ugly part of me...but they did. And they still rescued me and we still formed a team and they're the closest friends I've ever had. I don't think it's fair to judge somebody just based on things from their past or things they don't know how to handle.
Besides, we were getting to know each other before all that weren't we? There's still a lot of other things I want to know about you. How can I learn it all if I never speak to you again? [So...don't let it define you too much, Leon. She's not letting it cloud her judgment.]
[He's not a guy who's very good at the whole being open about his true self to other people thing. He'd have been doomed back in Inaba, basically. But the more people say things like this, the more that chokehold on himself begins to loosen, even if he doesn't fully realize it himself, what it means. All he knows is that he feels a little bit of weight lift off the more open he can be.
Things from their past . . . learn it all . . .
There's that, though. This is great now. How will it be if she ever finds out the other half of that story, the one where Leon Dies at the End?
Maybe it's dangerous to loosen up too much. But even with that in mind—he still feels better hearing it, and he drops his hands to lace around his own cup again, his expression smoothing out some more.]
I just—I thought everyone would, I dunno, laugh at me, or pity me, or . . . however they wanted to hate me, they'd find a way, y'know? I couldn't even imagine how I was gonna get out of bed and look in the mirror today . . . heh, that's a little embarrassing too, but I guess you're not gonna get up and walk away now. Probably?
[He's more joking that time, less genuinely fearful that she will. It's a process.]
So, thanks! And—look, I don't really get the whole Shadow thing, you're gonna have to explain that to me some time if you wanna, but anyone who'd turn their back on you after that or anything else is a total idiot. Just so you know!
[They'll get there in due time, she thinks. She has a lot of questions surrounding Leon's death and what the academy (it looked like a school, anyway) represented and everything but it'll come in time. She gets it. Not everyone is as open and honest as she is. But she can at least help them get there. She watches his hands, carefully gauging his mood as he continues.]
Anyone who would laugh at you for that is pretty messed up. [She sounds a little disgusted by the notion, actually.] I don't think it's anything to really be ashamed of, you know? For a long time I hated looking at pictures of myself whenever they showed up in magazines and after what happened I didn't speak to the rest of my friends for days until I knew I wanted to help them. You could cover the mirrors in your apartment for a while if that would help. [A light smile. Don't do that, Leon.]
But you're welcome. [She looks a bit surprised at her words being thrown back at her though.] It's…complicated. But I think you're right. [She looks away, mildly embarrassed then.] Let's finish lunch, okay?
[His tone is softer now, and after a moment, he reaches across the table to put one of his hands over one of hers and squeeze it. Briefly, gently, before pulling back to pick up his drink again.]
It's complicated, but it's gonna work out! We're doing fine so far, right? And no way am I covering up my mirrors . . . how would I do my hair?
[He laughs and goes back to his drink, managing a sip around his smile. There's a sense of relief he can feel in the air, and he wants to soak in it and enjoy all of this while they can. And maybe it's true—it'll work out. It'll totally work out!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[But she doesn't seem to mind. She tilts her head, humming to herself and surprised at how hungry she is herself. She knows that Yu's told her to take it slow since they were just out there starving, and she trusts Leon to know his limits so she doesn't even stop him. They are small portions, evidenced by the salad and doughnut she orders with her coffee. She's not even really paying attention as she hands over her debit card to pay for the whole thing either.]
If you ordered everything now though, what would be the point of coming back another day? [A hint at possibly more coffee dates in the future? Maybe.] I'm sure they'd totally appreciate your patronage though.
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Yeah, 'til I made myself sick, right? They probably wouldn't appreciate that! Sooo I'll just have to come back, like you said . . . you offering me company?
[Then it occurs to him.]
—Did you pay for mine too just now?
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Yes, and yes. [Is it really that strange? Probably. But instead of calling it on being strange, she simply replies.] You can pick up the tab the next time we go out. How about that?
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[SECOND DATE! SCORE
Okay, so maybe this isn't actually a date-date, and maybe also it's just beginning and he can't know if it'll go well, so cheering for a second one might be kinda premature. Still nice to hear.
He turns to find an empty table for them while they wait for their food, all smiles.]
So I should be scouting out new places, huh? I can do that! That's the kinda homework I can get behind.
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I can't come up with all of the ideas, can I? What kind of places would you want to go?
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It's all about the company, right? I'll try anything once! Maybe not anything . . . if you tried to drag me to the library, I might get a little put out, ha ha! But mostly I just wanna explore. It's like, I've been here a while now, and I still feel like I've only seen ten percent of this place.
[He drums thoughtfully on the table.]
Honestly . . . at first, it's not like I really liked the idea of getting used to it here.
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Libraries aren't bad, but they're not really where you go when you want to spend time with people. You can't really talk in libraries, you know? Exploring doesn't sound like a bad idea. It feels like people are discovering new shops and stuff all the time.
[She can understand that though.] Getting used to being here sometimes almost sounds like giving up, huh? But I don't think that's really true.
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[He props his chin up on his hand on the table, relaxed despite the topic. The truth is, he's mostly managed to avoid falling down a pit of paranoia; somewhere in the back of his head, he knows CERES is monitoring even this conversation, and maybe he ought to be worried about that. But he just can't be. He'd go crazy, rip his implants out and die or something. It's not worth the thought.]
There's gotta be a balance! . . . I'm workin' on it. So, how is it you think of it?
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It is! It really is, and if we care too much about that I feel like we might miss something else even more important. I think it's more like...you know how you can learn how to ride a bike and it takes you a little while to get used to it? But once you know how to do it that knowledge becomes second-nature and you instinctively know what to do? Being here is kind of like that. We're learning and we get used to it, but when bad things happen instinct kicks in so we don't get in so much trouble.
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[It takes him a moment to get, too. But he thinks it through, chewing a little on his lip (and its piercing), and it makes sense:]
You mean, it's not so much like "I'm totally fine with being treated like shit now by this place and its creepy overlords," but more like "I figured out last time how to deal with this crap so I'm not gonna lose this time either." Yeah, that's better. That feels way better than "getting used to it." —When you put it like that, the more they test us, the better we're gonna get at outsmarting them, huh? I hope they've got that in mind! . . . Actually, I don't! Let 'em not even think about that, for all I care!
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Right. Just like that! Even when things seem completely hopeless we'll be able to get out of it because we'll know that we can beat them since we've done it all before. [She suddenly slams a hand on the table, excitement mounting as she allows her thoughts to carry on.] They've got other things to worry about, they won't even know what we're learning! [They will if these two keep talking about it where the implants can pick it up, but that's fine. A waitress soon comes by with a tray of their food and drinks which is enough for Rise to stop hitting tables. There's a polite "thank you" to their server before she continues.]
As long as we keep it in mind, that's all that matters.
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He watches the server leave and then turns back to her, his amusement still written all over his face.]
That was pretty smooth, Kujikawa . . .
But I feel you! A hundred percent! I mean—back in that freaky place, I felt like, like, I don't even remember anymore, and it wasn't just me, right? But we're all back now . . . we can bounce back from all that crap without just forgetting it ever happened!
—Even if part of me totally wants to forget it ever happened.
[He'll cop to that.]
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Inoue-san says my acting's improved a lot since my break. But anyway...I think a lot of us felt like that. That place was creepy and it was probably meant to make us feel dark and afraid. But up here I'm not afraid because I know we're all going to be together. [She gives him a pointed look then.] Is the part of you that wants to forget it bigger than the part that wants to hold onto what came out of that place?
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It's just not the kind of thing he's in the habit of dwelling on much.
He glances down at/through the drink in her hand, one hand lifting to rub his fingers compulsively over the back of his neck, like he could chase away his own sudden spike of tension. It doesn't work very well. (Really, he doesn't even notice he's doing anything that might "work" or not, or that he needs it.)]
Uh . . . wow, that was kinda . . . Kujikawa, you don't beat around the bush, huh?
[He's stalling a little, and that he knows. But after another moment, he continues, haltingly.]
—No—I dunno. No? Maybe if stuff was different! . . . I really figured no one would want anything to do with me anymore after all that crap. If it was like that, of course I'd wanna forget all about it. Or maybe I'd want you to forget all about it? Or both. I guess when you ask it like that, "what came out of that place" would wreck everything, so of course I'd wanna forget it. But in the real world, it didn't . . . you contacted me and everything. I'm real glad about that, Kujikawa . . . so, y'know, I wouldn't give that up just so I could forget. I'd rather have this than that never happening . . .
Unless you think you'd like me better if it didn't.
[He laughs. Weakly, but there you go; it's something.]
But that's pretty natural, right?
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And...she understands. She felt the same way with people who saw her Shadow, that it would make people think she was a fake.]
When my friends first saw my Shadow, I didn't want them to see her. I didn't want them to really know what she represented and see that really ugly part of me...but they did. And they still rescued me and we still formed a team and they're the closest friends I've ever had. I don't think it's fair to judge somebody just based on things from their past or things they don't know how to handle.
Besides, we were getting to know each other before all that weren't we? There's still a lot of other things I want to know about you. How can I learn it all if I never speak to you again? [So...don't let it define you too much, Leon. She's not letting it cloud her judgment.]
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[He's not a guy who's very good at the whole being open about his true self to other people thing. He'd have been doomed back in Inaba, basically. But the more people say things like this, the more that chokehold on himself begins to loosen, even if he doesn't fully realize it himself, what it means. All he knows is that he feels a little bit of weight lift off the more open he can be.
Things from their past . . . learn it all . . .
There's that, though. This is great now. How will it be if she ever finds out the other half of that story, the one where Leon Dies at the End?
Maybe it's dangerous to loosen up too much. But even with that in mind—he still feels better hearing it, and he drops his hands to lace around his own cup again, his expression smoothing out some more.]
I just—I thought everyone would, I dunno, laugh at me, or pity me, or . . . however they wanted to hate me, they'd find a way, y'know? I couldn't even imagine how I was gonna get out of bed and look in the mirror today . . . heh, that's a little embarrassing too, but I guess you're not gonna get up and walk away now. Probably?
[He's more joking that time, less genuinely fearful that she will. It's a process.]
So, thanks! And—look, I don't really get the whole Shadow thing, you're gonna have to explain that to me some time if you wanna, but anyone who'd turn their back on you after that or anything else is a total idiot. Just so you know!
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Anyone who would laugh at you for that is pretty messed up. [She sounds a little disgusted by the notion, actually.] I don't think it's anything to really be ashamed of, you know? For a long time I hated looking at pictures of myself whenever they showed up in magazines and after what happened I didn't speak to the rest of my friends for days until I knew I wanted to help them. You could cover the mirrors in your apartment for a while if that would help. [A light smile. Don't do that, Leon.]
But you're welcome. [She looks a bit surprised at her words being thrown back at her though.] It's…complicated. But I think you're right. [She looks away, mildly embarrassed then.] Let's finish lunch, okay?
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[His tone is softer now, and after a moment, he reaches across the table to put one of his hands over one of hers and squeeze it. Briefly, gently, before pulling back to pick up his drink again.]
It's complicated, but it's gonna work out! We're doing fine so far, right? And no way am I covering up my mirrors . . . how would I do my hair?
[He laughs and goes back to his drink, managing a sip around his smile. There's a sense of relief he can feel in the air, and he wants to soak in it and enjoy all of this while they can. And maybe it's true—it'll work out. It'll totally work out!
He feels more and more like it will.]