babermetrics | IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

Yeah, a little bit. Like you said, why turn down free food? But if it was the food, you'd be sick too, huh? Man, this is so weird...

[He perks up when he realizes Leon's holding out a hand, and accepts it. It's just the right amount of support he needs to hoist himself up and regain his footing. He brushes off his blazer and pants for extra measure.]

Well, I guess it's just gonna be a mystery for now.

[He's praying it doesn't happen again to warrant further investigation. So instead of worrying too much about that, he smiles at Leon.]

So hey, thanks for helping me out. [This time he offers a hand, but in this case it's for a handshake.] I'm Larry, by the way.

[He takes Larry's hand to shake it. This guy's American or somethin' . . . how do they shake hands? He tries for something sort of inoffensively middling, grinning back.]

Yeah, nice to meet you! I'm Leon Kuwata! I ain't gonna leave a guy on the floor, man, that'd be askin' for it in a place like this. It makes me paranoid just thinkin' about it!

[In fact, let's not too much; if it really is the food, Leon might be next, and that's not something he wants to dwell on. What do you even do about that besides get weirded out?

And, because he can't resist:]

Model girlfriends, huh? Anyone here? I actually work as a model, so maybe I've seen 'em around!

[He's as American as he is Japanese.

...he's Japanifornian.

Either way, he doesn't seen to find anything wrong with the handshake.]

Nice to meetcha too, Leon!

[FINALLY, A NAME HE CAN ACTUALLY EASILY REMEMBER. He's been making friends with a lot of uniquely-named people lately. Such a simple mind, this one.]

Y-Yeeeahh...I definitely don't wanna be left around for the cleaning robots to find me or something.

[If Leon hasn't learned to fear robots already, it's only a matter of time.

But right, enough about the horrors of this place for now. Girlfriends are a way more important conversation topic.]

Nah, no one here. I haven't really been here long enough to score a quality date. I'm working on it though! [But since Leon brought it up...may as well not-so subtly work on it right now.] So you run into any single ladies at work?

[That comment about the robots is briefly distracting. What's wrong with cleaning robots? That sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Maybe he can get one and never have to clean his place again . . . but Larry hadn't sounded like it was that sweet a deal at all . . .

But seriously, with a choice of topics between housecleaning and girls, what self-respecting man would pick the first one? Unfortunately, Leon can't contribute nearly as much to it as he'd like, or could have back home. He's in much the same position himself.]

Nah, not yet. For one thing, they got me modelin' sports gear, but I'm tryin' to break outta that! Come on, what a waste! You've got a guy who looks as cool as I do and you're shovin' him in that boring-ass stuff . . . they don't know what they're doin'. And there definitely ain't as many, y'know, supermodel types on that scene. But I'm working on it! I asked out one girl I met, but she's a lawyer, not a model.

[He lowers his voice a little:]

Dude, how'm I supposed to afford dinner for a lawyer? I just got here too! I don't have that much saved up!

[Larry raises his eyebrows at the mention of Leon being a sports model. Apparently he doesn't get it either.]

I would've never guessed sports model just from looking at you. You'd think they'd make you one of those edgy, hip-hop punk kinda models. Here's hoping they get their act together!

[Now he just has to hope that's what Leon had in mind too, otherwise he just accidentally offended his new bud. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened though...

However, it's the next bit that really gets his attention. Conversation about dating is one thing, but dating a lawyer? Well, Larry knows a thing or two about lawyers.]

I dunno, it really depends on the lawyer. Take my two best friends for example, who are both lawyers: one of them is super cheap and would totally just go out for a burger and beer, and the other is as fancy-schmancy as you can get- you'd never impress that one unless you had a ton of cash.

[Phoenix and Edgeworth would kill him if they heard that.]

Did you get any of those kinda vibes from her? Or something totally different?

[It's pretty noticeable how he lights up when Larry calls him a punk kind of model. Exactly! Sweet, sweet validation. He practically vibrates cheer that he's not believable to strangers as some boring jock type.

But before he can get to that--and let's be real, he's just going to pat himself on the back anyway--he's a little surprised to hear that this guy's got multiple lawyer buddies. How common are lawyers in, uh, America--sure, it's America, probably? Even meeting one had kind of taken Leon by surprise . . . and neither of those descriptions actually sound like Athena. So how many are there?]

That's what was so weird! I thought she was more the burger and beer type. Or burger and wine? What do girls drink with burgers, anyway? But that ain't the point . . . she seemed, y'know, down to earth and stuff, but then when I asked her out she said she'd only go if it was fancy! I figured that was, like, her lawyer blood.

Edited (plural plural) 2015-06-17 05:52 (UTC)

[It's really not that common...Larry just happens to be the lucky trouble magnet with lawyers for friends to save his ass on many occasions.

That and Japanifornian lawyers seem to be pretty common here. Who woulda thunk it?]

Y'know...I guess they usually go with soda or water? Burger and wine sounds kinda clashy.

[Is that really the point, though? He just shrugs.]

I wonder if she just doesn't go on dates that often, then? I've kinda noticed that when girls go on a very first date or maybe even a couple in, they have really high expectations of what it's gonna be like. But after a while, they get more casual about it.

What else did she tell you about herself? Maybe I can help suggest something. Trust me, I've got plenty of experience with dates and prime dating spots.

[This should probably be taken as a sign that Larry's been on waaaay too many dates for his own good, but...hey, advice.]

Oh man, you do? That's awesome!

[Hello, Larry; meet Leon, who dated literally every girl he could get his hands on in high school, before Hope's Peak happened to him. The very idea of "too many dates for his own good" would baffle and concern him.

In other words, it's good to find a date-senpai to go to for advice.]

I guess I wouldn't be surprised if she ain't been on a lot o' dates, though. Like, don't get me wrong, she's real hot! She's got this super cute face and a great body, even if she covers it up a lot, but that's probably a lawyer thing too! And she's got a pretty good personality too . . . but she's a little awkward, plus if you're gonna be a lawyer that young, you've probably gotta spend basically all your free time studyin'. Buuut that's kind of appealing, if you ask me . . . uh, other stuff, her name's Athena! And she knows judo!

[Yes Leon, listen to date-senpai... These two are literally a terrible combination (in the absolute best way of course).

However, things quickly get awkward here. As Leon describes his future date, Larry nods along to show he's listening, thoughtfully rubbing at his goatee along the way as he considers possible date ideas for a cute, young lawyer who possibly hasn't been on many dates...

He frowns a little bit as he thinks about that and Leon continues. Wait, a really young female lawyer who hasn't been on many dates? That sounds familiar, but he's sure there could be plenty of those out there...

But then Leon reveals that it's Athena and it's all over. Startled by the revelation, he sputters dramatically.]

Wait, you're gonna go on a date with Athena?!

[Obviously, he knows Athena.]

Ohhh man... Well, you've got pretty good taste, I'll give you that. [He means that in the least weird way possible, okay?? It's just...dang, Nick is good at finding cute assistants.] But yeah, uh. She's gonna be a tough one. We're definitely gonna have to have a big-time brainstorming session for this.

[Right now? Right now. Leon is so ready to brainstorm this right now, and if that wasn't an invitation to do so, sorry, Larry--he took it as one. He's surprised Larry knows her, but not that surprised, and more importantly, this means he's going to get, y'know, insider trading! Insider dating, maybe. That's a good one. He'll make sure to use it later.]

Heeey, you know her! Okay, lemme start by askin', when you say tough one . . . are we talkin', like, kinda hard to please, or are we talkin' "she might break my arm if I try and put it around her at a movie"? It can't be that bad, right? You can't say I've got good taste if it's like that, so what's her deal?

[The brainstorming location may not be the most ideal, considering they're still in the middle of this weird photoshoot and all, but sometimes important date brainstorming just cannot wait.

Unfortunately, he doesn't know Athena well enough to give a whole ton of information, but that's what brainstorming is for.]

This is kinda tough 'cause I know her but I only met her recently- like, I met her when I got here. She works for one of my lawyer best friends I was telling you about.

[...in the future, but he doesn't go into weird timeline stuff. No need to add more confusion to the conversation.

He crosses his arms and thinks real hard about this.]

She's cheerful and seems to know how to have fun, but I'd definitely say she's got some standards, so you couldn't get away with being cheap or coming on strong during the first date. Sooo...play it cool and casual, but treat her to some good food. An upscale but affordable place, y'know?

[Seriously, this is more interesting than being a model. (A viewpoint of his that his employers have probably already noticed and been unhappy with, in fact.) He at least spares a glance around to make sure they're not in anyone's way, but they aren't, and the photographers seem to be giving them a moment to chat. Maybe it's because Larry just passed out and all, Leon thinks. They're probably giving him a moment to get his bearings . . . and have really important conversations with his Good Samaritan.

The coast's clear, either way, and Leon turns his full attention back onto Larry, nodding along.]

So, not burgers and wine . . . heh. Maybe a movie? She doesn't seem like the chick flick kinda girl, so I won't be bored, and I can totally keep my hands off if I've gotta. I don't wanna get my wrist broken! Anyway, that's a little classier than somethin' like an amusement park, plus then you can go eat somewhere nice after and talk about the movie! If you paid attention to it.

[Y'know, 50/50 chance.]

I guess it's kinda cliche, but I dunno what lawyers do in their free time. Do lawyers get free time?

[After listening to Leon's thought process, Larry gives a satisfied nod as to how he went through the options and why he thinks one would be better over another.

But before he adds to the brainstorming, he decides to answer Leon's last question first.]

That's another factor that really depends on the lawyer. Some are super busy, and some work on a case by case basis. I thiiink Athena does the second thing, going off of who she works for and all.

[Larry knows there tend to be lulls in between cases at the Wright Agency.]

Your date idea sounds great, by the way. Maybe go for one of those thriller movies- not too chick flick-y but not too dude movie, but still interesting for the both of you. And yep, follow it up with a good dinner. You've got this down, Leon!

[He's so proud, and he only just met the kid.]

[Shit, this really is his lucky day: here is he getting advice on Athena from a guy who actually knows her (even if it's just a little, that's something!) and getting praised at the same time. Who knew some weird cat photographers and a fainting dude in the middle of a shoot could lead to this much success? He beams and gives Larry a thumbs up.]

Dude, that's a great idea! You totally can't lose with a horror movie! If the girl's into it she's happy, and if she ain't then you get to comfort her! You've totally got this down! I guess that's what I'd expect if you're really datin' all these models and stuff.

[He thinks about asking him if he wants to get lunch, but they're talking about dates right now, so that seems a little, y'know. Wait, he thinks, maybe now's actually the best time, since we're both obviously into chicks. It's not gonna come off wrong, right? Is it more or less gay to ask a dude to hang out while you're talking about dating girls?

Maybe if he skips the lunch part.]

C'mon, we oughta try and get outta here . . . this place is startin' to creep me out.

Heh, yep. I know my way around this dating thing. [He'll allow himself a moment of smugness because hey...] And just think, if it turns out like we hope, you might just be set for a second date! I have no idea how hard Athena is to impress though, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[Even if she turns out hard to impress, there's always a little bit of thrill in a challenge! Hopefully Leon's got thick enough skin. ~~Unlike Larry here~~.

...oh right, they're still here, aren't they? Larry laughs nervously at this realization, and also in agreement with Leon.]

Y-Yeeeah, I think we've gotten enough shoots. 'specially me- I dunno if I wanna get myself knocked out again.

[He takes a quick look around, past the photographers...who seem to have been watching the two of them for a while. They must be waiting for the next moment to snap some photos. Creeeepy. Good thing they're planning to leave.]

So where's the exit again...? D'you remember, Leon?

Uh . . .

[He'd also mentally tuned out the photographers. But now it looks like he and Larry are tuned into the same station, and it's "why the fuck are these guys just sort of standing here staring at us." It's not even the sort of stare Leon would hope to get as a model; it's just weird and predatory. . . . And not the sort of predatory he'd hope to get as a model, either.

He looks away "casually," trying to pretend he didn't just make eye contact with one of the weird guys, and off for the exit. He's gotten turned around for sure since breakfast. But there's a huge cluster of people pushing around against a wall across the room. Leon's heart sinks a little when he realizes that's probably the exit, aaaand it doesn't look like anyone's having much luck taking advantage of it.

He grimaces and rubs at the back of his neck, still studiously ignoring the photographers.]

I think it's over there . . . shit, look at that, it's a total clusterfuck! I can't even tell if anyone's gettin' in or out with that crowd!

[Larry follows Leon's actions, trying to be as casual about the creepy gazes from the photographers. He watches the crowd alongside Leon for a moment, quickly crossing his arms in thought. Well this is a problem...especially since they don't have an idea as to why so many people are in such a hurry to leave the building. Hopefully something didn't go wrong...

Wait...maybe they could use that to their advantage?]

Hey, what if there was an emergency? Maybe they'd get out of the way if we needed to get out ASAP?

[He's eying the photographers suspiciously though, immediately having second thoughts about his quickly-conceived idea. Does he even want to potentially stare down the cameras again?]

You mean like if you passed out again? Heh . . .

[Waaaait.

He'd been joking when he'd said that, but actually, there's something to it. Maybe not the passing out part. But people would get out of the way for a medical emergency, right? Maybe if Larry just acted like he might pass out again!

He looks over at Larry, kinda proud they're on the same wavelength, and completely missing the part of the wavelength that's having doubts.]

Heeeey, not bad! They'd have to let a sick person through, right? You're totally onto somethin'!

Right? Haha...ha...

[His laughter becomes more nervous as panic sets in. Leon's on board with it already, so it's not like he can turn back now...

If only he would realize he doesn't actually have to pass out...]

S-So do I just jump back into the shoot and hope something happens? Would you be ready to drag me out?

. . . Uh, ain't you just gonna pretend to feel sick?

[Sometimes, it takes a simple mind to correct a simple mind.]

[...

.......SWEATS NERVOUSLY.]

Th-that's totally what I'm gonna do! I just...gotta make it look authentic, y'know?

[DON'T JUDGE HIM.]

Edited 2015-07-09 04:13 (UTC)

[NO WAY SOUNDS LIKE A LEGIT PLAN TO LEON. He nods, impressed. This guy's good.]

Yeah, you've gotta like, get in character! The character of someone with uh, with . . . y'know, one o' those things. Like asthma, right?

[The kind of thing kids sit out gym class for. Right.]

[Holy crap it worked, how did he get that lucky??

Well, whatever.]

Oh yeah! I can pretend I can't breathe...or I'm lightheaded or something.

You gonna be there to catch me when I fall?

[It's gotta be super authentic, Leon.]

Hey, you can count on me! We're totally a jailbreaking team! . . . You ain't gonna fall that hard, right?

[Leon's got good arms and all, but he's a little shorter--not to mention he's got a lot more practice catching baseballs than fainting damsels. Dude damsels.

Dudesels.]

Forget it, I got you, just tell me when!

[DUDESELS.

Larry is the ultimate dudesel right now, man. But he shakes his head vigorously. HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE.]

Nah, nah, I'll pretty much just lean back. Trust me man, I've done plenty of acting. I got this.

[He's...not exactly wrong, but he wasn't doing a ton of fainting as the Steel Samurai. WHATEVER.

He motions for Leon to follow him as he wanders closer to the cameras. Without actually looking at them or the creepy photographers behind them, he suddenly stumbles, appearing to be a bit woozy all of the sudden.]

Whoa, Leon- I...I feel kinda woozy all of the sudden...

[He actually sounds pretty genuine as he fakes his dizziness. Even some random bystanders turn to see what's going on. When Leon's positioned close enough behind Larry, he glances back to give the signal.]

Oh crap, I think I'm gonna fai--

[And this is where he pulls a really dramatic fainting motion, but he hardly puts any of his weight into it as he falls backwards for Leon to catch him.]

IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

fo' sho'!

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this is cracking me up omg Leon

REAL DUDELY CONCERNS OK

the most important concerns!!

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