babermetrics | IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

'Course I ain't! 'Course I don't want you to ask, what the hell?! So . . . good! Let's keep it like that!

[He crosses his arms, now that his hands are at least kind of clean, and avoids eye contact.]

Who even gives a crap . . .

[But that's kind of the problem.

God, why's that a problem? What the hell's wrong with him that he keeps feeling this way every time he gets exactly what he wants? It's his business. No one cares. He doesn't have to think about it, or talk about it, or explain it. His classmates don't hate him for it. They don't even blame him for it. And they shouldn't, right? It's not like it was his fault. What had happened--it had just happened, and not because he'd started it, either, so . . .

So what's the matter with him?

Forget it, man. This is definitely what he wants, and he's going to take advantage of it if it's being handed to him like this. His shoulders are still tense, hunched up nearly to his cheeks, as if he could sulk so hard he might collapse in on himself or something--but then he lets them drop sharply, with a sigh. It's kind of like relaxing.]

The only people I wanna friggin' stab are CERES for shoving all this bullshit at us in the first place! What the hell was that, huh?! I didn't even try to log in today and here I am gettin' chased by doctors and nurses and jabbed with needles and then whatever the hell that was! Screw that! They deserve whatever's comin' to 'em!

[ Heung Soo really has to wonder why Leon denies things so fiercely - it's exactly what you have to do to make it seem like the opposite is true.. He's a tsundere too, man, he knows how this works. But he at least opts to not push the other too far on it. He doesn't deal well with emotions to begin with, and the last thing he wants is to open that can when Leon just seems to calm down a little.

.. in his own way, anyway. ]

Yeah, they always pull this on us. [ He sounds sort of used to it - a side effect of how long he's been here by now - but at least he sounds still annoyed by it. Of course he doesn't like this either. All he ever wanted was a normal life, why does he have to deal with this stuff.. ]

At least there's nothing that can really hurt us this time.

[ Yet.

He thinks it, but he doesn't say it out loud, since that's just like asking for some huge monster to appear out of nowhere. ]

Like I give a crap.

[No, he does. He is grateful that the knife that doppelganger had been holding hadn't been aimed at him. But having standards that low pisses him off, too; what kind of life do you have to be living when what you have to be grateful for is that you didn't get stabbed, just mentally tormented? And why's he been living it for god knows how long now? What the hell ever happened to his real life, huh?

He's childishly sour about it, and makes a face at his own tone of voice. Shit. So uncool . . . this guy's got to think the worst of him by now, even if he's totally blowing off the whole murder thing.

But if the alternative is Heung Soo's whole unaffected thing, Leon's not sure that's much better.]

How long've you even been here that you can talk about it like that, huh? I ain't gonna let that be me, no matter how long I'm here. That's just--giving up on carin' what people do to you! That's askin' to get walked all over! You're gonna go native, man, I'm tellin' you!

[ At first he doesn't seem to reply. Even as Leon is talking on, he doesn't give much of a sign that he's preparing himself to talk back at the other. But then he keeps going on, and there's something about the words that just directly hits something in him. Even though he usually keeps most of his feelings and frustrations cropped up, there's something about the words that releases them. ]

I'm the strange one? [ Not that he thinks Leon is strange - well, not in the way he reacted to all this, anyway, let's not talk about the murder thing - but.. ] Have you looked at most other people brought to this place?! They make plans all over to celebrate Valentine's Day as if there's nothing happening in this place! As if we don't almost die every other week!

[ .. okay, yeah, at least that sure is emotion. His eyes widening, his hands forming fists-- it's just all coming out at once. ]

They're the ones who don't care what happens!

[The first thought that pops into his head--though to his credit, it's passing, and the incongruity of it twists his own stomach too--is shit, I don't have anything lined up for Valentine's Day. He'd half forgotten about it, in fact, and that says a lot about what kind of week this has been.

He's surprised to see this kind of reaction out of Heung Soo. And unfortunately, Leon's not the right guy to deescalate the emotion in any conversation, most of the time; seeing all of that on Heung Soo's face just works him up even more, until he's arguing, without even quite knowing why he'd argue:]

That's--I dunno about anyone else! Maybe they're all out of their friggin' minds by now! But I don't know what to do! Actin' like anything's normal in this place pisses me off, but what the hell d'you even have left if you take that away, huh? Am I just supposed to sit every day and think about how I might almost die next? Or what other messed up thing's gonna screw with my head?! What d'you even do when it's like that?! You either act crazy by actin' normal or you actually go crazy! So what do we do?

[It's not even Heung Soo he's arguing with. He's been having this argument inside his own head for weeks now, and what he really wants is for someone to fuckin' settle it for him once and for all. The question's real: what do we do?

He's being loud enough right now, his voice strained, that they'd be garnering a lot of attention in any normal hospital. But this isn't one--that's the whole problem, isn't it? And if they did, he wouldn't notice anyway. He makes eye contact and keeps it, face flushing with emotion, lips twitching.]

[ These situations aren't anything new for him. It's why he honestly doesn't pay much attention to their surroundings right now. Sure, it might be a weirdass hospital where no one even cares that they look five seconds away from a fist fight, but even if it wasn't, he wouldn't care. He's stood often enough in corridors yelling like this, gathering attention from all over the place.

It's why he doesn't drop the eye contact with the other guy either. ]

Keep your eyes open. Don't let it lull you into some false sense of security. [ He might not be yelling anymore, but his tone is certainly still tense. Compared to how it usually lacks emotion beyond faint exasperation, it's already a lot. ]

That's not that hard to do, is it? We'll have a chance to figure out what's really going on here, but these people are just going to let it pass by.

I'm not!

[That actually comes out more aggressively than he'd meant. It's starting to catch up to Leon, again, that they're mostly agreeing here; why's he causing a scene? Dammit, this is so embarrassing! Sure, he wants to punch someone's lights out right about now. He's been itching to do that for the past few weeks. But it's not even Heung Soo's fault . . . even if the guy is insufferable.

Which he kind of is, but he's also kind of one of the few people who makes sense right now.

But he wasn't kidding, either, about going crazy if he ended up as paranoid as him, and maybe that's some worthwhile advice too. Leon lowers his voice. It's still tight; he hasn't relaxed much. But there's more control in it now, like the light is visible at the end of the tunnel of his tantrum.]

--I'm not gonna just let these people walk all over me, got it? I'm not that kinda guy! But you, maybe you oughta lighten up some too before you snap! Don't you ever feel like you're gonna friggin' snap if you stay wound up all the time, just waitin' for CERES's next move? You gotta keep one eye on them and one eye on yourself, if you ask me!

IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

seriously why would anyone want to be

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