babermetrics | IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

I'm not embarrassed!

I just don't like gossip! It really makes me mad, you know? How would you like it if someone wrote lies about you?

[ just wait til leon finds out she has a boyfriend... from hell. . . oh boy. ]

I guess you got a point, but it kinda depends on what it is. It's publicity too! Actually, it makes me feel kinda cool I totally got in the paper even though I ain't been here long, ha ha! Does that mean people know who I am? No one's said anythin'!

[Oh man, was there a pic of him? Was it a good pic?! Now he's got to track down this paper! She does have a point, but . . . he's still pretty cheerful about this, lies or not.]

--Hey, you got a copy? Not, like, on you, unless it's on the CereVice.

I think there was an online version of the newspaper. Hold on...

[ oh my god leon...

she pulls out her cerevice and scrolls through the network. before showing the copy, though, she says— ]

Promise me you won't laugh!

What am I gonna laugh at? I wouldn't laugh at datin' you. If I would I wouldn't've asked you out, y'know?

[Heh. He leans in to skim through it; like hell he's going to read all this. He skims for his name, and when he finds it, well.

He laughs.]

Ha ha, what the hell? --I mean, I ain't laughin' at you! I swear! It's not you, it's the article! No usin' judo on me!

[Wait. He reads it over again.]

. . . Hey, it ain't terrible!

It's still gossip, no matter how "good" [ she also does the airquotes. ] it is.

[ and don't worry about her flipping leon, it looks like she has no intentions of getting violent with him right now. that's a good sign?? ]

I didn't mean the gossip, I meant my beard! And it ain't a soul patch, either!

[THIS NEWSPAPER IS SPREADING LIES AND MISINFORMATION. NOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK HE HAS A FUCKING SOUL PATCH. THIS CANNOT STAND.]

Those are totally dorky, what the hell!

A what?

... what's a soul patch?

[ please educate this poor and misguided soul. ]

It's like a beard that only goes right here, it's dumb as hell!

[He can't demonstrate on himself with his goatee and labret piercing in the way. So he reaches over and swipes his thumb under Athena's lip, in the spot a soul patch would go.]

Oh!

[ she kind of... jerks at the contact, but it doesn't surprise her enough to grab leon by the arm and judo flip him, at least. people need to stop surprising her!! ]

I get it. That's kind of weird... but beards are weird in general.

[ so much for tact. ]

Hey, my beard's awesome! And it's definitely not a soul patch! You don't like it?

[He pulls his hand back, gaze lingering on her lip for a moment despite the horrible insult!]

I dunno, I just think it's troublesome.

I mean, what if it gets stuck between elevator doors and you're inside? That's got to hurt!

[ why is her imagination so insane? ]

[HE IS WONDERING EXACTLY THAT.]

What the hell . . . are you crazy? What about your hair? It's so long! I bet if you and me walked into a hundred elevators together, your hair would get stuck in the door way before it ever closed on my beard!

[This is the weirdest conversation to be having in a closet while hiding from alien nurses with syringes ever, and that situation was already weird enough.

On the other hand, Leon's hiccups are starting to wear off; it's been almost twenty minutes now, and they're coming few and far between. He's too caught up in the conversation to notice that just yet.]

Objection!

My hair would never betray me. How dare you even insinuate such an idea!

[ her hair is precious, okay... ]

What makes you think my goatee would betray me--forget it, it's hair, it can't betray you! This is stupid!

[How did he get caught up in this?!

And how did he get so caught up in it that his voice is loud enough to attract attention from outside? Which it has; the thump of passing footsteps pauses outside the closet door riiiight after he bursts out with that.]

[ yeah, she definitely hears that, and she takes a step behind leon. her hands on his shoulders, she quietly says- ]

Something's coming.

Yeah. Shit . . .

[His voice lowers automatically, now. Shit, why had he done that? That was so stupid! He starts to back them up, slowly, step by step, and stretches an arm out as if to shield Athena from whatever might burst in.

Like she couldn't totally kick his ass.]

[ she whispers as quietly as possible— ] We should just keep quiet. Maybe it won't notice us.

[He just nods, giving her a look in the dark; it's hard to see like this, but he's frozen and wide-eyed, trying to keep his eyes on Athena and the door at the same time. It works about as well as you'd expect.

Those are definitely footsteps scuffling around outside.]

IC OVERFLOW AND MISC.

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