[He'd been just considering finally taking a sip of his coffee, but he hadn't gotten that far yet. This scene just narrowly avoided one hell of a spit take.
Instead he chokes on absolutely nothing and sets the mug back down again with a firm clack. His cheeks are tingling, and he honestly can't tell if it's blood rushing to them or draining out of them; either way, he's suddenly very aware of the movement of blood through his head and chest.
That's called panic. But why the hell is he panicking?! Of course he's not, he wasn't, hasn't been,]
I, huh, what?! I wasn't—
["approaching" anything!
. . . Was he?
And he's definitely not]
I'm not—
[interested in that!
Right?!
But he's not actually stupid, no matter what people think. He isn't. His awkward tension at the beginning of the evening, setting all of this up and waiting for Togami to come over to hang out, had only maybe 25% had anything to do with the Actual, covert reason for their "movie night." He knows better than to think otherwise, even if he doesn't want to admit to it. The secret treasonous communication is one thing, sure. The other little things that keep happening . . . what's he supposed to think about those? What's he supposed to do with them? He's been half-thinking about that question for the past two months or so, when he hasn't been forcefully avoiding it. And he doesn't know any more now than he did.
But maybe that's what "experimenting" is for, huh? When's he ever been a guy who figured anything out by thinking about it? When he hits on that, it feels so fuckin' obvious that he wonders for a second if he actually is stupid after all.
There is one thing he's surprisingly smart about, and that's all of this relationship and sex stuff, even if it's hard to believe sometimes. Those denials are both half out of his mouth; it's really only his flustering and stammering that stops him from just spitting them right out. But it's a good thing. Given a moment to think—he knows better than this. Girls don't flock to the guys who do falter in approaching them. He's not one of them, and that's why he'd always had good luck in the past. You let a girl know what you want, that she's appreciated and you've got her on your mind, and she responds. You don't beat around the bush and act coy or aloof about it, you don't deny the truth that's staring her right in the face; those just piss girls off, or make them question the obvious.
Probably guys work the same way. Leon's not sure yet if he cares how guys work. He'd rather believe he doesn't. But if he's not sure yet after torturing himself over it for a couple months, where does it end? He can weigh the evidence all he wants in both directions. He has been. It sucks.
He needs to prove it to himself either way.
So after two aborted attempts at fervently denying anything Togami just said, he takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and getting his shit together. Where's that mysterious feathery calming influence when he needs it now?]
Uh, I. I mean . . . not all men?
[Okay, that was still a little more beating around the bush than he should have done, but it's something, and his voice is steadier now, at least.
no subject
Instead he chokes on absolutely nothing and sets the mug back down again with a firm clack. His cheeks are tingling, and he honestly can't tell if it's blood rushing to them or draining out of them; either way, he's suddenly very aware of the movement of blood through his head and chest.
That's called panic. But why the hell is he panicking?! Of course he's not, he wasn't, hasn't been,]
I, huh, what?! I wasn't—
["approaching" anything!
. . . Was he?
And he's definitely not]
I'm not—
[interested in that!
Right?!
But he's not actually stupid, no matter what people think. He isn't. His awkward tension at the beginning of the evening, setting all of this up and waiting for Togami to come over to hang out, had only maybe 25% had anything to do with the Actual, covert reason for their "movie night." He knows better than to think otherwise, even if he doesn't want to admit to it. The secret treasonous communication is one thing, sure. The other little things that keep happening . . . what's he supposed to think about those? What's he supposed to do with them? He's been half-thinking about that question for the past two months or so, when he hasn't been forcefully avoiding it. And he doesn't know any more now than he did.
But maybe that's what "experimenting" is for, huh? When's he ever been a guy who figured anything out by thinking about it? When he hits on that, it feels so fuckin' obvious that he wonders for a second if he actually is stupid after all.
There is one thing he's surprisingly smart about, and that's all of this relationship and sex stuff, even if it's hard to believe sometimes. Those denials are both half out of his mouth; it's really only his flustering and stammering that stops him from just spitting them right out. But it's a good thing. Given a moment to think—he knows better than this. Girls don't flock to the guys who do falter in approaching them. He's not one of them, and that's why he'd always had good luck in the past. You let a girl know what you want, that she's appreciated and you've got her on your mind, and she responds. You don't beat around the bush and act coy or aloof about it, you don't deny the truth that's staring her right in the face; those just piss girls off, or make them question the obvious.
Probably guys work the same way. Leon's not sure yet if he cares how guys work. He'd rather believe he doesn't. But if he's not sure yet after torturing himself over it for a couple months, where does it end? He can weigh the evidence all he wants in both directions. He has been. It sucks.
He needs to prove it to himself either way.
So after two aborted attempts at fervently denying anything Togami just said, he takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and getting his shit together. Where's that mysterious feathery calming influence when he needs it now?]
Uh, I. I mean . . . not all men?
[Okay, that was still a little more beating around the bush than he should have done, but it's something, and his voice is steadier now, at least.
He's trying.]