[He's smiling along, and then she asks something heavy like that; it takes a second to sink in, and his expression fades from jolly to—a little bit taken aback. That's a serious question, enough so that it feels like it came out of nowhere, even though of course it didn't, it's directly related . . .
It's just not the kind of thing he's in the habit of dwelling on much.
He glances down at/through the drink in her hand, one hand lifting to rub his fingers compulsively over the back of his neck, like he could chase away his own sudden spike of tension. It doesn't work very well. (Really, he doesn't even notice he's doing anything that might "work" or not, or that he needs it.)]
Uh . . . wow, that was kinda . . . Kujikawa, you don't beat around the bush, huh?
[He's stalling a little, and that he knows. But after another moment, he continues, haltingly.]
—No—I dunno. No? Maybe if stuff was different! . . . I really figured no one would want anything to do with me anymore after all that crap. If it was like that, of course I'd wanna forget all about it. Or maybe I'd want you to forget all about it? Or both. I guess when you ask it like that, "what came out of that place" would wreck everything, so of course I'd wanna forget it. But in the real world, it didn't . . . you contacted me and everything. I'm real glad about that, Kujikawa . . . so, y'know, I wouldn't give that up just so I could forget. I'd rather have this than that never happening . . .
Unless you think you'd like me better if it didn't.
[He laughs. Weakly, but there you go; it's something.]
no subject
It's just not the kind of thing he's in the habit of dwelling on much.
He glances down at/through the drink in her hand, one hand lifting to rub his fingers compulsively over the back of his neck, like he could chase away his own sudden spike of tension. It doesn't work very well. (Really, he doesn't even notice he's doing anything that might "work" or not, or that he needs it.)]
Uh . . . wow, that was kinda . . . Kujikawa, you don't beat around the bush, huh?
[He's stalling a little, and that he knows. But after another moment, he continues, haltingly.]
—No—I dunno. No? Maybe if stuff was different! . . . I really figured no one would want anything to do with me anymore after all that crap. If it was like that, of course I'd wanna forget all about it. Or maybe I'd want you to forget all about it? Or both. I guess when you ask it like that, "what came out of that place" would wreck everything, so of course I'd wanna forget it. But in the real world, it didn't . . . you contacted me and everything. I'm real glad about that, Kujikawa . . . so, y'know, I wouldn't give that up just so I could forget. I'd rather have this than that never happening . . .
Unless you think you'd like me better if it didn't.
[He laughs. Weakly, but there you go; it's something.]
But that's pretty natural, right?