[He listens, watching Hinata's face out of the corner of his eye.
It's not until that last sentence that something really hits home about it. Not that it's not interesting; he'd asked because he'd been genuinely curious. And it makes sense when he lays all of it out like that. But--it's easy for Leon to forget that the other class also went through a mutual killing, most of the time. Half the time it's hard for him to believe he actually went through it himself. It's like some really intense movie he watched, the horror flick of the century. So terrifying it'll rip your life to shreds, forever! Come and see what everyone's talking about! And then he'd walked out of the theater and into Cerealia, uncertain whether he'd been watching the same movie for three days, or two years, or nineteen, but at least it was over, except it never felt like it was as much as he wanted it to be.
And now Naegi and Kirigiri call him a friend to his face, and tell him it wasn't his fault what had happened, there'd been Circumstances they'd all been in, right? Of course. And he agrees, obviously, but it's just--
Just, why is it that that matters now, when it's too late for him, but it didn't matter then?
Leon looks away again, shoulders tight, and hesitates before speaking. He's awkward and uncertain of how to get this out, exactly. But Hinata will understand, right?]
. . . It's totally different, out here and in there, right? You'll do crap you never thought you'd do when that bear's involved and it's like--it doesn't even friggin' matter why or how. What happens happens! The real world's not anything like that! In the real world it matters . . .
But when'd the real world turn into--like, "he ran through a tunnel of monsters"? Or this stupid-ass crazy place, huh? I want the real real world back!
[That's a tangent, but boy is it ever a pervasive one in his thoughts these days. He sighs.]
Ahh, forget it . . . yeah, I get it. You got to know him when it wasn't all crazy like that. Or maybe when it was crazy in a different way, but no mutual killing bullshit. All you guys think like that . . . I guess that's good for guys like me and him.
no subject
It's not until that last sentence that something really hits home about it. Not that it's not interesting; he'd asked because he'd been genuinely curious. And it makes sense when he lays all of it out like that. But--it's easy for Leon to forget that the other class also went through a mutual killing, most of the time. Half the time it's hard for him to believe he actually went through it himself. It's like some really intense movie he watched, the horror flick of the century. So terrifying it'll rip your life to shreds, forever! Come and see what everyone's talking about! And then he'd walked out of the theater and into Cerealia, uncertain whether he'd been watching the same movie for three days, or two years, or nineteen, but at least it was over, except it never felt like it was as much as he wanted it to be.
And now Naegi and Kirigiri call him a friend to his face, and tell him it wasn't his fault what had happened, there'd been Circumstances they'd all been in, right? Of course. And he agrees, obviously, but it's just--
Just, why is it that that matters now, when it's too late for him, but it didn't matter then?
Leon looks away again, shoulders tight, and hesitates before speaking. He's awkward and uncertain of how to get this out, exactly. But Hinata will understand, right?]
. . . It's totally different, out here and in there, right? You'll do crap you never thought you'd do when that bear's involved and it's like--it doesn't even friggin' matter why or how. What happens happens! The real world's not anything like that! In the real world it matters . . .
But when'd the real world turn into--like, "he ran through a tunnel of monsters"? Or this stupid-ass crazy place, huh? I want the real real world back!
[That's a tangent, but boy is it ever a pervasive one in his thoughts these days. He sighs.]
Ahh, forget it . . . yeah, I get it. You got to know him when it wasn't all crazy like that. Or maybe when it was crazy in a different way, but no mutual killing bullshit. All you guys think like that . . . I guess that's good for guys like me and him.